The Interesting Stranger - Miss Reith Jerevinan's Butterflies

New Blog

2010-11-02T23:59:00.004+07:00

Sorry for not posting...
Well.. I just started a new blog.
It's Naked and Caffeinated on h ttp://brigida-alexandra.blogspot.com
All about me and reviews... There, I'm myself and still an interesting stranger...

thanks...

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Tattoo

2010-10-09T00:14:00.002+07:00

Any words lied on my head

Each of them draw a tattoo on my mind

It becomes a screaming picture of my life

Narrow, short, and fearful of me

It dictates what is drawn

The shape talks about me

It's all about me

But I know I've been someone else

I did something wrong to myself

The words in the shape

It's not me

It's them

They get me into them

Trap me into other soul

... and I'm not fit in

Did I really listen to them?

The words, the shape

They made for me....

saying it's of me

it screams

it keeps screaming

it borders me

I've made something wrong

It's a tattoo... and I let them craft it in my mind

in my history---another tattoo

another dark side on me, I can't replace

My past, I'm sorry....

Present, here is what I am now

And Future, I’m working on it

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

A Slap!

2010-10-08T22:39:00.001+07:00

Mouth... My mouth
Tongue... It's mine
Words... They come from inside me

And what do you think?
This is what I think
of this... of that

What do you think of them?
My thoughts... my words... my will...
My liberation
Care to understand?
Do you dare to accept?
Dare to listen?

Let me speak!
of what I see...
the truth---you don't ever wanna know
in the most irritating feel

Should I say what do you wanna say?
Can't I sense what all my senses explore?

I can't be into you...
or stay in your realm
as your kingdom is imaginary
just like my childhood friend
and you are my 5-year-old self

Do you dare to open your eyes and ready for difference?
Within liberty---you let go
I'm sorry
I pity you
Before you slap me...
Remember this: I'm not you!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Writer's Block

2010-09-19T03:07:00.001+07:00

The holiday is almost over and I have done anything remarkable to plan, which was to start writing down all the ideas and things I got in my research for my book. But oh yeah, I got the title, the points I wanna share through the book, the people, the real facts and the fiction side of the story. Somehow, I didn’t know how to give this story… a word to greet the future readers. I’m lame.

I love to write. Literally… But, I just don’t know why I speak more in my mind, compared in oral or in writing. Somehow, the words I spoke in my head are sounded more beautiful in my heart.

I wrote poems and all the writing craps since 2005. The aim of publishing this blog is practicing. But, what's left? What has come? Everything comes diminished. Words go from my head, word by word. It's like I'm having vascular dementia. I wrote less decent poem to read. Fantastic! Good luck to me!

And also, I want to be hurry on sending a card, a hand-made one, for my friend Kat. But till now, all I can do is buying more and more stuff and kits, stare at them, and take pics of them. After that? Nothing. Well... I have to force myself to rush in.

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

GoodBye

2010-09-18T05:31:00.001+07:00

Yes I fall...
and you know it so well

The breathless moment...
is every time when you make your moves
I'd rather sleep and be stuck in my dream
when you stroke your eyelashes to mine

When it comes for me to see
to taste
and to remember
it's a time I put my fingers to the space between yours
and it's like we tore our veins to meet in a line

Can't say it won't leave... until today
as the final I've been predicted
I wave my hands for our farewell

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Lonely.... I'm A CyberGirl

2010-09-15T02:13:00.002+07:00

I want a dog…

Well, I just switched on Disney Channel when my niece said she wanted to see Mr. Bean TV series. She kinda has second night in a row of sleep over in my house. So, the Mr. Bean show never been ‘updated’ that we just saw the same eps all over again. One thing I like about this show is… it always felt new to me. Any jokes he made in every eps were still surprising. Or maybe it’s because I’m that forgetful?

Anyway, the eps we watched tonight was the one on his Christmas celebration. Oh come on… who can forget that one? The one when he strolled out at night to get a Christmas tree he just used a meter top of it, the street band carols he conducted, the turkey disaster and the silly gift for his girlfriend?

Somehow, I wander if I live the way Mr. Bean do, how actually do I feel inside? Lonely!

The scene which made that thought came up was when he arranged Xmas cards for himself! Every Xmas I always feel rather lonely. Mostly, I stay home and do nothing in my 5 x 5 m room. It’s a big day, once in a year celebration, big preparations, cheerful moments, and I’m alone and smile to unliving things in my bedroom. I don’t even stare at the sky. The second one was when he opened the gift he managed for his (famous) stuffed bear. I do talk to my animal dolls. For me, they’re still my childhood best friends and they’re like my pets, as I can’t have real pets now.

Why can’t I have pets? My eldest sister got this big piano in our house and that’s the most valuable thing for her. When we’re in trouble, she would choose the piano to salvage, not me. If I have pet, a dog for example, I need to be close to him when he is a baby or when he’s BIIIIGG. So it would happen IF he stays indoor. But, if he does… you know dogs, he would leave like scratches here and there. WHAT IF he leaves his scratches on THE PIANO? She would be very very berry mad. She has warned me not to have dogs or any kinds pets that would be kept indoors. She’s obviously scared that her PIANO might get hurt. Ahh…. Speaking of piano.. I want have a violin, too! I want toooo many things, I guess.

Days before the one-week national holiday, one of my bosses asked me to join her to re-watched Hachiko. However, 2^nd time watching it, it put tears on my eyes again. That time, I said again, I wanna have a dog…

Maybe, I won’t be this lonely. Being a cybergirl and all, I just got confused on the reality I’m facing. I just didn’t have someone to talk to. Or maybe, what I am saying is, someone who can understand me well when I’m sharing my feelings on some shits, who don’t judge me that easy (and whom I shouldn’t tell my family background and all the past creepy things I got to, in order to make people GET me). A dog would get me better than anyone else. Besides, I don’t need a boyfriend anymore. I would stop thinking about ‘him’, then.

Could you finally imagine ME celebrating xmas with my dog and lovely stuffed animals around?

I got to stop here. It’s 1.55 AM here and I have to give some of my bosses a training and then work, teach for exact at 12.30 PM.

Here's a clip of the scene I told you in Mr. Bean Series... Too funny to be missed!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Eric Wiryanata's Exhibition 'Things Aren't Getting Any Prettier In This Neighbourhood' at Plastic Culture Level One - Grand Indonesia

2010-09-13T07:25:00.000+07:00

So proud to post this for my friends, Eric Wiryanata and Pamela Halomoan, who are successful to hold an exhibition "Things Aren't Getting Any Prettier In This Neighbourhood" at Plastic Culture, Level One, Grand Indonesia. The exhibition lasted for a week, 03 - 11 September 2010.

This is the first Eric's solo exhibition. One of his drawing is a collaboration with his girlfriend, Pamela Halomoan, who is a student of NAFA in Singapore. Eric has held so many exhibitions with his fellow artist before. He's well-known by his 'Lemi'. You can check his portfolio all about Lemi on his website and about many other characters he has created, including TV NINO, one of my faves. You can also check Pamela's website.

Here are the pictures I took during the first night of the show.

And these are what I brought home....

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Memento Mori ...

2010-09-12T03:48:00.003+07:00

Mori, Mourir, Mortal...

We all gonna die, and we know that very well. The question is probably, are you ready to die?

Just like what I have written as my footer for my blogpost, 'I'm only a piece of dust', reminds me that I'm not much as a person. I won't be. What you will be becoming in your life is something you will leave and won't go with you when you die. Your money, your title, your fame, all sort of things. Yet, what you leave and WHOM you leave are what matter.

I don't know how I am gonna die. I don't know when. But I know what I would leave... and whom. Will they cry? Will they miss me? My ego always demands such questions to be answered. Innocently (or, it's just me being stupid) I ask to some people who are very close to me, whether they're going to cry when I'm gone. Silly... they just said YES very loudly with their faces shocked and all, then they would ask, "Are you alright?"

The problem is I'm a cybergirl. I don't hang out with REAL FRIENDS a lot. Maybe because I don't have many of them. I didn't contact with people who were considered as my bestest friends in high school. I only contacted with 2 people from my junior high and another 2 from my grade school. I didn't completely contact my kindergarten, all of them might probably have forgotten about me. I keep contacting my great friends who are mostly foreigners and stay in their countries, far away from Indonesia. We talk through Skype, emails, myspace, blogs, Facebook and Blackberries.

This blog is one of the way to tell me what's happening with me and all the details, in hoping that we are able to know about each other well and deeper each day like normal friendships. I wonder, what if I die. How could I tell them when I die? When I die OBVIOUSLY, I can't turn on my laptop myself and tell my friends, "Hey, buddies, I'm dead!"

I have protected my laptop with some password, email with another password, and everything is under password. Can someone (my friend here or my family) use my password right? I mean, if I share them my password to reach the access of my facebook, emails and all to tell my friends abroad when I'm gone, can they really use the password when I'm gone? I MEAN, when I'm REALLY GONE. (Read: DIED)

My fam or friend could use the password when I'm still alive. Why? They surely know that there are millions of secrets I have been keeping in this laptop. If there aren't any, I won't keep with strict password. They understand it sooo well.

So, yeah... I'm not an internationally famous person that if I'm passed away, the news would be on me and that way would let my friends abroad will know. I'm not. Will my abroad friends kinda looking for me when I don't show up for a long time on the net? My family and local friends doesn't know how to reach them.

For facebook, actually it has been rumoured that they will make their platform to have an access for a friend to declare that the Person A has died and his account would not probably updated. So the other friends who live far away and not in the friendship circle that much would be informed about the death. It would work like when you declare that your friend's account is hacked. But it has been in the queue line for Facebook to develop.

Once I saw an account of my friend's friend who has died. His friends reduced to 11. Well, people deleted him since he passed away. Somehow, don't you feel a bit sad to remove your friend though he won't longer use his account?

Anyway... what would you if you were me? What will you do in advance to have your abroad friends informed of your future death? I'm gonna die soon... I have to think of a way.

... or would they even care?

And how would they think of you when they know you're gone forever? Ahh, so many things to think about only for 'to die'...

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Things I Got From My Mom Part 2

2010-09-12T02:37:00.003+07:00

My mom's home. And she hasn't asked me about the guy... Phew....

Ok, here's the stuffs!

First, I would only share the pics of some that made my day, which is... Scrapbook kits! Yeay....

and yes, with an American flag. I did ask for it. Very patriotic me!

I got some paper punches and embosser..... Yeayyy....

and this one is nice too...

I also bought some scrapbook stuffs by my own at ScrapKing at GrandIndonesia. I got buttons and acrylic for the rubber stamp, the ink and rubber stamp itself. Yeah... finally....

Actually I just want some cute simple butterflies, I mean... many kinds of butterflies and not insects! I hate dragonfly, bees and all the creatures in Insect Kingdom. But I got no choice. In ScrapKing, there weren't many choices of rubber stamps. The one I bought was the least 'normal' among the rest.

For those who aren't coming from this kind of world, this rubber stamp must be confusing. I didn't get the idea at first, but I asked some people and paid attention to their blogs .... and see YouTube, so I know how this thing work. Maybe I should make Scrapbook for Dummies label on my blog. Most of the literatures I read doesn't contain scrapbook help for the so-called 'the Special Idiot Dummies'. Yes, Special Idiot Dummies (dummy who is really really an idiot-ly dummy, like me).

And... I bought some recycled stuff from local bookstore. Quite nice. The most important is.... they're usable!

What other cute things? Besides those scrapbook stuffs, my mom brought home the some pairs of jeans, book "A Time Traveller's Wife" and swimming suit I ordered from websites. I did make a lot of online orders, but I missed one. I should have ordered it myself, and not to give a link only to my sister.

So, the fragrance I ordered should like that one. But what arrived is ....

This one...

Yeah, the goodie bag, checked! The pink stripes, checked! It's Victoria's Secret! But, it's not what I wrote on my email. What has happened? My sis bought the wrong one. It's the mist! Jackpot! Well, yeah... I don't care. I still like it.

My mom bought 3 pillow pets! A cow special for my baby nephew, and there are 2 left, a dog and a pig. I'm the only child of my mom who get this chance, I mean... the ones who got the pillow pets are my mom's grandchildren, not her daughter, but me! Yeay! Maybe I'm her granddaughter. So, I'd rather let my niece to choose first. Somehow, I was hoping that she would choose the pig, then I could get the dog. But, she took the dog, and gave him named "Brownies"!!! *cries* Then, only the poor pig left for me.

Still, I'm happy. I like animals, including pigs. And it makes two pigs of mine and more pink animals in my bedroom.

Not only these 3, there are still some in my closet. LOL

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Lost, And It's Personal

2010-08-30T14:12:00.001+07:00

I don’t know whether this is important or not. But I just wanna let it out from inside me.

This year has been a quite much unexpected to me. Somehow, I’ve been twisted. From the resolutions I have made, nothing has been accomplished. Why? I don’t give myself too much time. And it seemed, that I don’t give much to you guys either, both friends and family; both in-cyber and in-reality. Maybe jealous people will see this and say, "See, I'm right about you and about me!" I don't care anymore.

It’s the last week of August, I’m waiting for my 8^th official salary and I’m lost. Recently, I have been thinking to quit my job. I’m done as a teacher. I’m done for everything. It’s been a loss feeling that I get when the word ‘teaching’ pops in my head. I’ve lost my interest, so it’s the point where I got to stop. 2010 doesn’t go that well, as maybe I’m not being good either to myself or to others.

I’ve been so selfish and childish. Trapping myself in my own world, I lost you guys. I’m truly sorry for hurting everyone. I’m hurt, too. But, guessed, myself isn’t that important anymore.

It’s been hard for me to grow up as I was abused since childhood. Yes, I was abused and loved at the same time. That way, I learned to find a gap from any situation that choked me. For years, I’ve been pretending to be normal like others, but it just makes me more autistic than ever. Later, I was bullied. Some say I need to be myself and don’t let myself gone, but unfortunately, that statement doesn’t fit me. My existence is a mistake. I’m sorry for being there and not being there for you guys. I don’t realize that I’ve been standing on a thread.

I can’t deny that I expect too much from people around me. I thought I wouldn’t be here standing up tall without any help, as I feel tied up. Now, with everything and nothing, I’m nobody. I’m nothing.

Since today, I’m no importance, as I have let anything and anyone left me far away. I know who my friends really are, which are my friends or fiends. It’s about hypocrisy that I have hear, I fear and I bear. I’m all over it. All I need to do is getting into the game. I’m about in ‘take it or leave it’ moment.

And my illness. Yep, I’m sick. I’ve been sickly since I was a toddler. It’s a miracle that I’m still alive until I’m 20 this year. I have a heart and kidney problem. Long story about that. On the other hand, I also developed ulcer from stress. Each year, I feel even ‘blessed’. Days ago, I got another attack on my ovarian. About my mental-slate? I’ve talked to a counselor at school, and we agree that I need to see a psychologist and have a therapy. I’ve managed it. I will go for a check-up and a psycho therapy. But, first, it won’t be happening so nicely, if I don’t forgive my father and, at the same time, also open up who he is actually to my siblings who still don’t know the truth. Then, I might be peaceful doing these healing stuffs. But all of them actually … I took my sicknesses as signs that so many things I have to do, with focus and quick, as times flies too high.

So I thank to those who talk to me lately. To be honest, I’m quite feeling slapped. Hehehe… But I think I should be. I need to get over myself. It’s like reading Mitch Albom’s book back to years ago; get slapped by the other side of reality, then I cried. I was such a tearjerker, I still am.

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Things That I Got

2010-08-26T01:42:00.001+07:00

Oh my God! Here I am again. Lack of posting.... Sorry! Well, anyone really reads this besides my foreign and some close friends?

So anyway, and actually I have been preparing this post weeks ago and committed to post this before my mom comes back to Jakarta from Houston. Why? Coz she will bring more cute stuffs for me that I might share. And yeah, Mom's home with me since Monday and I just post this on Tuesday! Hiihihihi...

And.. I just don't know why I wanna take picture of these things.. which are not soo cute at all, but some of them, yes, cute. I really so happy to have them and you might say that I'm quite a freak. Yay...

Ta daa...

I'm overreacting about this, but who cares.... Hahaha... It's new and it's shining to me! LOL XDD

Months ago, I didn't remember when, my sister went to Singapore. And as for my image as a nerd, she bought me a bookmark. I also got bookmark as a present from my brother when he got back from Hong Kong, so I thought I should start to make it as a new kind of collections to add. Bookmark collections!

Besides, I got new cute t-shirt with blinky bear. I have used it a couple times. Hehehe... It's quite decent, so I can wear it to school.

Umm.. knitted stuffs. I got one as a case for my parfume and lip gloss and another one. Briefly I can share about this knitted crafts. These cute ones are made by children who can't afford school and they are gathered under a donated foundation that provides them lessons and practical learning, hoping that they can use the skill to set up their own business one day. It's called Rumah Gemilang,if I'm not mistaken.

I found these by a help from my boss. Cute, aren't they?

And this, I got from Carolyn!

Another thrilling cute stuff, Doraemon...

Never missed my new books, John Mayer's two new CDs, and new dresses.

Another book to review also has arrived! So excited!

And this made the first book I have ever got the sign by the author! Yay!

And... *drum rolls* ... a letter, from my friend Kat in Canada! Yay! I will reply her with a special handmade card by me. Kat, wait for me!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Drawn in Silence

2010-08-17T00:25:00.002+07:00

Some accidental scenes I took picture of.
They describe the wander in flat air.
Solitude within the atmosphere around.
Two cats...
Unliving and living, they're drawn in silence.

as seen in http://reithjerevinan.deviantart.com/

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Hmph.....

2010-08-14T23:41:00.001+07:00

This is gonna be a short blog post...

My sister just sent me an email about my mom's departure back to Jakarta. So, my lovely mom will be home in 2 weeks. Yeah... I got someone who will help me with my laundry and teach me more about cooking! (PS. I'm going to make cupcakes!)

To be honest, what's in my mind when she's home... is getting ready with the whole complicated stuff. Like... having her ID card photocopies and also her credit card photocopies. Coz what? I'm going to apply an insurance. After that, I got to manage to buy her birthday gift. I haven't given her anything since I'm working.

But actually, not only about what she will bring for me from the States that might interest me, it's about my 'boy'. I remember when we were on the way to Soekarno-Hatta airport, she told me to do as the myth told, superstitious as usual, which was to eat wedding cake of my sis in law's brother's wedding. I thought it was funny. Why? Coz it is said that it could help me to get a boyfriend. I was like... hmmm yeah, Mom. I dunno when she started to worry about me and a boyfriend thing. I felt she was worried, so that time, although me and 'my boy' weren't official yet, although we had some kind of problem, and we were in the middle of a rumour saying he had another girl already (which was not me), .... I said to her, "Mom, just relax, it's nothing, and I already got one."

She looked so RELIEVED! OMG! I thought, 'what is it?' Why was she so worry? Is it because I rarely go out, bring friends home even though girl friends and all? She asked me about him. I just confessed to her that me and 'my boy' had far age difference and of course, he's already working in his own business. My mom was kinda shocked, I see that, but in the same time, I realized that she didn't THAT care about age. But after knowing how old he was, she told me, "Just be careful, his age... and your age this young, could be..., might make him just want to play with you."

Sadly... it's true. He just wanted to play with me. So far, through emails, my mom never asked about him, I dunno whether she forgot or something. But I think it would be better if I just stand-by and be ready when she comes home and asks me about 'my boy' who is nowhere in sight since a few months ago.

PS. Oh, shit... Ooops... it's not a short blog post, then! Sorry...

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

'Children Castle' at TMII

2010-08-10T10:19:00.001+07:00

Castle's Overlook from a Skylift

Maybe you, Indonesians, might say that I'm a sad Jakartan if I say that a few months ago was the second or the third time I went back to TMII (Taman Mini Indonesia Indah). Ha! Yeap, it was, anyway. I got no choice. So in my age of 20 (20 years living in Jakarta as well) is the moment where is my first time being in Monas, and 2nd or 3rd time to TMII, but it is the first time being the castle in TMII.

Well, the look seems to be like Disney Castle, only it's not glowing, no M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, no Minnie, no Donald, no Pluto, no Goofy and also the boring Disney Princesses. The major aspect you're going to realize once you see the building that, it's red, brick-y, and, I can say, lack of beauty. Still, it was fun to be there. Taking pictures and weird short chit-chat with friends. And yeah, don't forget the very typical heat of the town.

Brick-y! That's the word and I told you so

Not an interesting thing to see for children

From the gate of the castle, you got to pay for only Rp. 5,000 (if I'm not mistaken) so around 5 cents to $1. But before you reach the castle, for the entrance to TMII is quite ranging, it depends on whether you're adult or kids and what vehicle that takes you there. That time, I spent Rp 9,000,00 per person.

At the entrance

Inside of the castle is quite spacious and you can jump here and there as you want, as long as there aren't many people visiting =) But actually, I expected more amusements in the castle, as it was called 'Children's Castle'. What made it quite freaky was there were about two clowns in animal costume, like bunny, strolling around and smiling with their hands waving in the air. Heck, that's called clown, if they don't do those things, they're not. You guys can take pic with them, but I didn't want to. Too freaky! Blah...

When I got inside the castle I understand more why this country isn't good for kids, especially for lower middle class kids. It is the true the fact that this country never accommodates enough and appropriate amusements. Indonesia is more devoting itself for adult entertainments, like bar and nightclubs. Kids from middle to upper class would get better appropriate fun in their childhood in Jakarta, as they're Toys Kingdom in Grand Indonesia and Kidzania in Pacific Place.

Why I said so? Kids shouldn't be delivered with darkness spot and gloomy design. Well, the nice thing is the place is quite spacious as long as the whole Indo kids aren't visiting and making troubles, yet, the castle is seemed more to be a museum with playground at the backyard. It was quite dark, no exciting things as kids would get interested in! Yet, the colour inside the castle and darkness make a good tone composition if you take them with DSLR camera. Some little things that I like was the gothic and victorian style (if I'm not mistaken about this) on lamps, portrait frames and cravings.

What else? They provide clean 'service', I mean, trash bins, with nice way... with ANIMALS POSTURES. Somehow, I just don't like the idea to throw any garbage into animals' mouth. For some idiots, that way would only teach them to do bad things to real animals. Like throwing a real garbage into real animals' mouth! Ok, I won't make things worse... those animals no matter what are very cute.

Cute? Yep! At first, I didn't believe they were trash bins. They deserved to be respected statues or whatsoever. Am I sounded overacting?

Here are some pics I took around the castle...

On the Playground

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Goodbye Sophomore...

2010-08-08T04:45:00.002+07:00

Then in July 2010, that's the end...

I'm saying 'Hello' to my 3rd year in college. Well, it hasn't started yet... as I'm in holiday now.

But, not really a holiday this time. I have work in the afternoon, so I got no choice or else, I won't get my paycheck, then I'll miss my students. Ha!

Just to remind me of something tougher that will come in the next 2 years, I got to be well-prepared. This August got to be the right month do it. And what is the preparation? REST! I need much rest that people think I do.

Somehow the 'REST' moment going on makes me wonder of what has just gone by. It's been 8 months of 2010, so rapidly. Only 4 months left for completing my resolutions, that none has been accomplished. Maybe there's no need to make resolutions next time.

Before talking what I'm going to do with that (almost impossible) resolutions, I wanna share what happened during my sophomore year which was sooo busy as hell until I wrote less than ever. In my 3rd semester, I got so many field projects, like preparing print media production schedules, completing a tangible imaginary magazine, a couple of analyzes on news and internal magazines, and making a complete prime time news show, as well as those photography projects that I would never able be well in. Hmph....

It takes almost every day of our lives in the semester doing those shits. Actually those things were challenging things to do IF you got enough time to do it as a newbie. Although, you worked in group, it didn't change a thing. What's worse in working in group? If you got some people who pushed you too much and don't work, but they got the points for their GPAs. Hate that!

In the 4th semester, nothing changed a bit. It worked worse to me, as I go through it along my job, including the problems, tiredness, and all. Still, you got to handle those hard feelings every time I go to school. And this is the semester that make me occupied 24 hours. Lack of sleep is daily consumption. Sickness is a regular visitor. Interpersonal problem is a every day's mosquito! The worse project I got to be in was a documentary film project. How many people in a group? Whole people in the class! So there were about 30 something students had to work together. Yet, not all of them really 'worked'. Besides, I had work along, but I still showed my responsibility. Somehow, not many people will notice and appreciate that! As usual... Indonesians! You can't expect that they will respect and appreciate what you did if you can't give them routine shits to fuck their mouth and brain. Sorry... but it's true.

For the film project, it's not only complicated, but have you wondered how much money did we need to spend? About millions. And do you know what was our object to film? A limb kid about 8-year-old who came from poor family and he worked with his father who was a bus driver. The point was to show the other side of the poverty and child exploitation and the link between those two.

So how we got those millions of money? We tried to get some income by selling foods and soy milk. What's crazier? We sold our old clothes in Sabang road!!! It took 2 separate days there. And the second day, I didn't join the others, but some classmates said there was a insane foreigner who happened to be drunk and tried to tease some of the girls. In the first day that I attended, I remember exactly it took place at the same time at the opening of World Cup! Ugh, I missed it! And what's nasty, there was a guy who happened to be REALLY INSANE and NOT DRUNK but he kinda .... touched his 'secret and personal thing' in front us. Yeah... Jakarta, oh Jakarta! We were all girls and only 2 boys with us. But those 2 boys existence quite helped.

It was an experience to me! I'm not into 'becoming a merchant' kind of person, so it was damn crazy to yell in the crowds, debating with some annoying customer about price, which I'm never good at, and keep standing for hours like Sales Promotion Girls.

And... what happened in my Sophomore year, stay in my Sophomore year!

I always want my college years just to go straight. My mom even more wants it so. In this Sophomore year, this is the first it went wrong. So, sickness ruined me too bad. I cannot attend the mid term test of one of the subject, which was my favourite, Writing class! The night before the test, I went home from work very late, and didn't eat enough whole day, and it had been also like that for a few days before. That night, I felt a great headache unlike usual, and my stomach after I took my dinner was badly ill. I thought it was going to end soon after I grabbed some rest, but in the next morning, it got worse. That day, i stayed at home, couldn't sit or walk, but I was kept busy within my sickness to check on my nephew and my Dad didn't care a thing to check on him, replacing me.

When I contacted my counselor, they said that I couldn't get my make-up test, because I wasn't warded in the hospital. It cost me a debate with academic manager, ran to Campus A which is located about 500 metres away and running to the whole levels to search my lecturer and asked for help. What did he say? "Just contact the head of Division. That's all. I went work after that and called, the head said, she couldn't do anything if the counselor had said so. That means I lost 20% of my grade. I decided to quit the subject and enroll in the next semester. That way, I could get 100%. As the result, I would receive an 'E' for temporary and it would affect my GPA temporarily.

What made it complicated? My sis told my mom. She's still in the States and knew that I was sick. She worried too much about me. She emailed me about 3 times about such thing, and as usual, she told me what I should do, and mad at me too, and bla-bla-bla. You know mothers.... They love their daughters way toooooo much!!! I didn't respond to those emails, until my bro asked me why I didn't respond, then it was his turn to mad at me, as mom emailed him too, saying she was really scared that I might get stressed on this situation, sickness and all. She asked him to get me some meal (more meals) and milk for my spare time.... You know, the point is... she worried too much! She thinks I'm never grown-up girl. Huh...

And the Sophomore... ends in July, rest in August. My new love started in first days of 3rd semester (September-October) and now ends in August (officially) again. After months fighting with those shits I have told you about, my love life was another complete shit. I lost my someone again. I can't say it's too early, he seems already commit with his new girlfriend and all. I believe he will propose that girl soon. As soon as my new story will be written down. About him and her, and me in between, as the virtual mistress.

So, in the end, in this rest month... with the brokenheart moments and no school task to do in my head, it's time to listen again the last year's song, by Gotye, Hearts A Mess.

Will post some more tomorrow...

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

BlackBerry Messenger vs The Cry babies

2010-08-06T22:39:00.001+07:00

What is the lamest thing I heard just now? BlackBerries are going to be turned down by the Indo Govs, after UAE did the same thing previously. I was like, "Huh? Screw you guys!"

If you use BlackBerries you might know how important it is for communications and news networking. Especially, for the businessmen and journalists or news-alert people know exactly what I'm talking about.

Why?
This is because the 'cry baby' in Indo wanna make this country into thew new UAE. Let's say, UAE has been the role-model for this country of which people said as the well-mannered, have high cultural values, politeness, as well as democracy and hospitality. Of course, those aren't true!

This shit is under rumor actually. A few hours ago, I also read an article on JakGlobe that actually the Gov has no intention to ban the BB.

But when I finished this article on 10.28 PM. The BlackBerry Messenger is still on. Oh.. so screwed!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

'Me', 'Aku' dan 'Moi'

2010-08-03T06:10:00.002+07:00

'Me'

Merangkak, berdiri dan berjalan

Berlari, melompat dan...

Terbang!

... Namun tidak! 'Me' tidak bisa

Mereka bilang pada 'Me' bahwa terbang tidak mungkin

'Me' tidak akan bisa

Seperti 'mereka' yang tidak sanggup

'Aku' bilang 'AKU!!!'

Mereka bilang, "Sssttt...."

'Aku' bertanya, "Ada alasannya?"

Mereka bilang, "Sssttt...."

"Kenapaaa?" Tanya 'aku' lagi.

"Silence et laissez-faire!"

'Moi'

Rumus, agama, dan kultur

'Moi' dikerudungkan...

Mereka menutup mata 'moi' dan mengikatnya kaki dan tangannya

Kenapa?

Untuk menjadikannya suatu cetakan baru yang lama

Lama yang sama

Berulang dan terjebak

'Me', 'aku', dan 'moi' kini tak sama

Berbeda, terpencar, pudar

Namun tak ayal tercipta bajingan yang sama

Bayang diri yang terbatasi

Pribadi yang sempit dengan jedaan

Ritme datar berketuk dalam jantung kehidupan

Bersahabat dengan takdir yang mulai bosan

'Me', 'aku' dan 'moi' tidaklah 'me', 'aku', 'moi'

'Me', 'aku' dan 'moi' adalah milik 'mereka'

Karena 'mereka' yang punya kehidupan

Lembar hijau yang membeli darah nyawa

Agar mata tetap terbuka

Nafas terus terhembus

Lapar terkenyangkan

Tidak akan ada 'aku', 'me' dan 'moi'

Semua akan sama tercipta

Rumput-rumput liar akan rata terpangkas rapi

Semua garis akan lurus dan tak terputus

Perbedaan hanya pengkhianatan

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Rejection(s)

2010-07-29T03:35:00.000+07:00

Bitter words. Bitter realities. Life, it is. This thing quite annoyed me recently. I was sick last week. Bronchitis (again, it returned). I just don’t know how to keep up my health. And, at the same time, I had to face my nervousness. I wrote 2 short stories for some LGBT projects. The committee will prioritize new manuscripts, so I think it’s a good way to debut. They will tell me the status of my manuscripts in the beginning of August. Only the best 10 will get the opportunity to have the manuscript published in a book.

Well, it’s regarding to my 2010 resolutions, that’s why I’m a bit rush. All I wanna do is trying to be on time with my own planning and be consistent with myself. Anyway, none of my 2010 resolutions has been accomplished! So ashamed of me…

So, I was gonna tell you that I had this nightmare when I was sick. Maybe my sickness involved of the coming of this nightmare. I don’t know. I was dreaming that my manuscripts were rejected! I was sooo sad in my dream and almost half-crying in my sleep. It was like… something I couldn’t help it. In reality, I should have been able to. No idea what to expect on the future (in the reality) for me. So far, it has been 3 rejections I got for my manuscripts.

***

Have you ever rejected? Well… let’s change the question! How many of you haven’t ever been rejected?

I bet you guys have. At least, one or two rejections. Me? Lots of them! For my manuscripts, just like I told you, I got 3 times. I got twice for love, and seven times of giving love rejections. Another twice rejected for my short movie. There was one rejection for scholarship and another one rejection for university enrollment.

Just like love stuff, I was rejected, but I also rejected some people’s. Then, how many times have you rejected people in your life? Whether it’s about love, someone applied for a job at yours, or anything… Somehow we should remember who, what and how many times we also reject things and people. Just to feel better that world it’s not that cruel. LOL XD

On this post, I’m just gonna share about my writings, as well as the previous rejections.

I was 15 when I started to write such poem and all. I mean, really wrote a poem. Before, I wrote one by forced! Coz I never liked it. Irritating to me. Before I REALLY WROTE ONE, I just opened literature manual book and copied the existing poem or replacing the words with simpler one. That time, I just got no idea what literary actually meant.

At that age of 15, in January, I met an accident and had one arm broken. I stayed limb for a few years, intensively, for months post-accident. That prevented me of outside activity and all. To be in my seat in class every time at school was the best idea I could have. Having contact with outside life was just considered too dangerous as the students were very very roughly active and careless, my family, doctor and teachers were just afraid that that situation might affect me and those careless kids could put me in more dangers. Besides, there was a rumor that the accident that happened to me at school was done in purposed by some girls who were jealous of me somehow. As I was all alone, no one could stand up for me and tell the truth of what was happening. FYI, I lost some of my memory around that accident.

Being limb, being alone… make me feel the true solitude. I know how to blend with the atmosphere and the air I breathe and that inspired me. Until now! Through such ritual, I wrote my first poem, then a novel idea was found somewhere in mind. I spent 2 years to finish it, after a long confusion in me, within Yes or No moments. And the final answer I made was ‘Yes’, I’m going to publish it.

I asked my driver to take me to one of the biggest publisher in Indonesia. At first, I was mistaken to enter the daily newspaper editorial office, which was owned by the same company with the publisher. It was funny. Then, I got to wait for months, 6 months, to know that it was rejected! What made me angry was… my manuscript was clean!

They didn’t read my manuscript! Ugh…. I hate this. I went there far far away, 6 months in waiting… but nothing!

It would take another year if I want to write another book. So, I decided to just write short stories, which I found it more difficult as its style has a limited number of pages, max 8 pages. Then yes, the two short stories I had sent previously were both fail! Yaaayy!!! I’m dead…

There’s a time that I think that I’m not into writing and should another thing to life with. But I remember with I read in Paulo Coelho’s book, Alchemist, about beginner’s luck. If a gambler wins at the first game, then he will not last to be the winner. He will lose at the next games. But instead, if a gambler doesn’t win at his first game, but if he tries again and again, he will be the true winner and last to be. That’s how I believe the things work. Till now, it’s the belief I have to keep up. Yet, it’s fading from inside me now.

I started this all things with me all alone. I don’t have experience, back up, or anything that could give me some channel to let me debut. It’s just me. I’m not some famous people’s child, some governor’s family members or from Royal family who can have opportunity on anything easily without search, fight and sacrifice. I fight for myself and with myself. ‘Myself’ is the only that I have. I’m different. Somehow the will and hard work are two things I can add in my works.

Some authors like J.K. Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, and even Danielle Steel were ever rejected. So, maybe I have to go on this road like they used to do.

So if I have to face more rejections, maybe I just need to keep writing and wait for another chance…

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Domino Class

2010-07-16T01:15:00.002+07:00

For entertainment for my students, I decided to have some card games. One of them is dominoes. The dominoes aren't just usual dominos of plain rectangle cards with red dots on it. Instead, it has words and is related to synonyms and antonyms. The dominoes I have at work are the ones which got 3 series: 1 level of antonyms and 2 levels of synonyms. The students have to arrange the cards to meet the word's synonyms in other card. Somehow, unexpectedly, through many sets of game (and learning), the cards are made into cute forms, and of course, I took a picture of them.

Lovely forms, aren't they?

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Dilemma, Between Personal and Professional Life

2010-07-11T22:13:00.001+07:00

Work will leave in some troubles, including dilemmas. I have got used to it, but lately I have one which is a bit different as it's related to something that affects me and of which I concern a lot about. What is that ‘something’? That ‘something’ is about the riot in Bekasi, West Java, caused by a group called Islamic Front Defenders (FPI) who demolished the Tiga Mojang (Three Women) statue and tried to start a war against the Christians in the area as they’re afraid the across religion’s members might be preparing something against them.

This phenomenon isn’t a new thing to me. Uneducated people in traditional religious looks (which make them looked trapped in fashion era) screaming of fake religious words that they actually don’t know the meaning has put some crowd in the country’s census and hit the headline most of the time.

Am I bored to figure out what I can do to banish them? Never! The latest riot they make in Bekasi, besides their demonstration against Ariel and Luna Maya, reminded me of my high school teacher who lives there. She ever told me once about her district church.

She didn’t have a church. And yeah, she still doesn’t. She and the other prayers rent a little space in office housing as their St. Lucia church. It had been years they rented the place and the people think to build a church that look like one. The land has been purchased before and while waiting for the construction, they have been using the land to plant some vegetables they can sell to the local people there to get some money for church construction. When it’s almost happening, white-clothed people started to haunt them to stop doing the mass.

Seeing this issue happened wilder has been giving me some concerns. Well, I was born in mixed of Atheism and Confucianism-Buddhism family. I spent my toddler's life in Protestant church by forced, but was raised in conservative Roman Catholic school from Kindergarten to High School, and live in Islamic neighbourhood. Later, my social life is coloured with Islam, both Sunni and Syiah, both liberal and conservative, as well as Jews, Pentecostal, Bethel, Bethany, Charismatic Catholic, Jehovah, Abbalove and other sects.

After getting through a turbulence life, having suicidal 12-year-old moment, and counselor-psychologist-psychiatrist appointments, I decided to join the Roman Catholic Church. Everything was still difficult to make sense to me. I was a hard-liner religious person and I was too young at the same time. Still, I felt empty. Rebellious was a side of me that I couldn’t let go. Sins were my major problems to myself. Who am I now? I’m a moderate Agnostic.

Yet, I still read all Bibles to conquer the misled reality and dig the truth. I believe in one God and no belief for religions. I just do respect those remaining religions; do what’s good for me and not to take all of them with me. I’m Agnostic. There are friends of mine who are Moslems and believe in liberal Islam and very moderate. And, one of them is willing to teach me some Arab (or any whatsoever language) written in Al-Quran, as I said to her that I want to read it originally. Sometimes, translation doesn’t work. It misleads me most of the time. The most important point is many Moslems even trapped in the wrong teaching of Islam within a misinterpretation of the translation for years. Does is it start making me sounded paradoxical?

When I started teaching, I didn’t pay attention to the majority of my student’s religions or ethnicity. Yeah, I never care what kind of people around me are from. As long as they’re good, I’m good. Later, at work, I found there are two Chinese colleagues and 5 others are native. 3 of them are Moslems and 2 of the 3 wear veils, I realize. Also, I work with kids who are mostly Moslems and natives.

One by one of my students started to ask me about where I came from, what my nationality was, and what my religion was. Until now, each time I got new students, those questions are still asked to me. I wonder why those are so important to them. I’m a teacher and I can teach. I teach English and I can speak English. Are those two things more important? Some students, I found out later then, left my class just because I'm (looked like) Chinese.

I have some students from Al-Azhar schools and other Islamic-based schools, like Muhammadiyah, Nuruh Hikmah and At-Tauba.

And… Al-Azhar. A name of school, taken from a great religious school in Egypt. But now, the name ‘Al-Azhar’ is taken in Bekasi as the place for those Islamic Front Defenders to gather and prepare for their actions which is so-called ‘war to the Christianity’. I got some students who are very intelligent and polite from a school of that institution. Sadly, I just can’t express my feelings or what to comment when I look at them. I might be afraid that they might be ‘someone different’ when they’re grown up in that institution and learn the world wrong way. They’re just too pure to be hard-liners.

A friend of mine and me are thinking to learn her religion right way and make a way to promote this, at least there might be lesser number of people who get the chance to join as hard-liners and riot-lovers. I don’t know, we don’t know. We study Communications and all we plan is to communicate this. My mom would say that it’s not a problem for me to handle, but this shit really bothers me, as I’m teaching some boys and girls who could be hard-liners as just because they’re in the wrong path. As a teacher of theirs, if I don’t aside them out of such things, I can be considered as a fail one.

I hate this country for many kinds of shits since what happened in 1998. People admit that I don’t have a little of ‘Indonesianism’ in me, well, it’s true. But, somehow, I do inherit my Dad’s nationalist side no matter what. Yikes, enough about him. LOL…

A little thing about this uneducated religious group: They were actually petted by a military, some say, just like written in Jakarta Post. That is why the police never take actions on the riot or any weird things they did. But according to my analysis, it’s connected to MUI and military, then later, it joined MMI and other channels of Al-Qaeda, yet they have different missions. Those huge institutions who pet FPI actually have been prepared from New Order reign. So it means that the low education system is also set in some way so there are people to control and brain-washed.

I agree with Soe Hok Gie, that there shouldn’t be any group under the name or teaching of a religion. Now we see the result. And oh, one more thing… is it wrong that I say Assalamualaikum? Or when I say, Masya Allah or Subhanallah? And even Alhamdulillah? Judge me!

For any education institute under the name of religion is wrong as well. Let humans get their own perception on everything in this world, without haunted by any religions’ punishment or something alike. Me as a teacher… I… just be myself. I never criticize their own perceptions on their religion and others. Once my student ever said that Moslem shouldn’t say “astaga” and are supposed to say “astagfirullah”. For me that is just ridiculous. My way to encounter them is not to say that they’re wrong and giving out what the way they should think, instead, I’m more to turn things out and let them reflect what they’re actually believing, like saying, “Why? And what if bla-bla-bla…” or “How if bla-bla-bla?”

Also, not even once they say that they don’t like being in Private School just because there are so many Chinese people go to study there. And they did it right before my eyes! That time, that student of mine was just completely forgetting who I am. Or who I was.

I know maybe there’s no place for me to among the native Indonesians, to be staying in their country… and even among the Chinese. I feel like an alien most of the time. I’m a stranger…

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

My second article for Campus Magz - Eureka

2010-07-07T22:49:00.000+07:00

This is the second article that I wrote for campus magazine. Actually, in my campus there are some media existing, like one campus' print media and online media, radio, and TV. But I joined the print and online media. The article below was a report I made on one of campus' events and it's originally published on online media, translated into English from Indonesian.
So this is my second article, but the first article on online media, before the first one was on the print.

Tuesday, 06 July 2010 - 12:51:56 WIB

EUREKA, GREECE CULTURAL FESTIVAL

Friday, June 25^th 2010 the canteen’s set changed into the throne of gods and goddesses of Olympus. Yep, Greek culture in “Eureka, Greece Cultural Festival” was decorating the London School campus. The show which was started at 10 am to 13 pm delivered ranges of shows and entertainments related to the Greek culture.

The event was commenced with a procession of turning on a torch by the committees, then, followed by singing the Greece’s national anthem. Later, the show was continued with short parody show entitled, “Olympus Got Talent” that successfully amused the visitors who were coming on that day, including the staffs and lecturers.

The committee members were also wearing godsand goddesses-alike costumes and have their own roles according to the Greek myth, such as Hermes, Zeus, Hera, etc. In this opportunity, there were also 8 booths opened to entertain the visitors, like love tarot readings and Greek culinary booth.

The original article on the net:

Selasa, 06 Juli 2010 - 12:51:56 WIB
EUREKA, GREECE CULTURAL FESTIVAL

Jumat, 25 Juni 2010 yang lalu suasana kantin tampak berubah seakan menjadi tempat berkumpulnya para dewa-dewi Olympus. Yap, kebudayaan Yunani "Eureka, Greece Cultural Festival" memang ikut serta menghiasi kampus LSPR. Acara yang di mulai pada pukul 10.00-13.00 WIB ini menyuguhkan beragam acara dan hiburan yang berkaitan dengan kebudayaan Yunani.

Acara dibuka dengan arak-arakan menyalakan obor yang dilakukan oleh para panitia, lalu diikuti dengan menyanyikan lagu kebangsaan Yunani. Kemudian acara berlanjut dengan parodi singkat yang berjudul "Olympus Got Talent" yang berhasil membuat semua pengunjung yang hadir, termasuk para staf dan dosen LSPR terhibur.

Para panitia juga mengenakan kostum yang menyerupai dewa-dewi dan memiliki peran-peran tersendiri menurut mitologi Yunani, seperti dewa Hermes, Zeus, Hera, dll. Di kesempatan ini, juga terdapat delapan booth yang dibuka untuk menghibur pengunjung, termasuk booth untuk ramalan cinta dan masakan Yunani.

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Deleted Posts

2010-07-01T00:17:00.007+07:00

Sorrrrryyy... for not being productive (???) in blogging. I'm screwed... everywhere on everything!

Just wanna tell you in this post that I have reduced or, directly I could say, I deleted some of my posts. From 166 to 140 something...

I wrote everything. When I was angry, sad, happy, or feeling nothing. Especially about my life, my PERSONAL life. Now, I can say I used to. Now, no more. Sorry, no offense. But there are some guys out there who used my story. Hey, boys and gals, don't think I don't know y'all!

From my first post to latest one, you now I've been improving in writing. I did photo blog, poems and all creepy stuff XDD. It makes me happy and the most important is... I'm practicing. That's all I want to do through having this blog and not making this site as a trash of my life. I WON'T LET THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE USE MY STORY LIFE FOR ANYONE'S ENTERTAINMENT. Sorry, I guess it was my fault at the first place.

It'd better to prevent people that might use the my life story to get against me someday...

It's my blog and I have a chance to fix it. Surely! I deleted all of them which are containing my life story. I never put my real pics, but I think I haven't been so careful with my blog contents. Then, I'm being more careful now. From now and then. Any post telling about my life is deleted, EXCEPT the ones my friends or followers have commented on it. I do respect what people say, every single word, on my writing, and that's how I appreciate feedbacks.

I will have new twitter account, too. Will tell soon about that!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Hypocrisy Against Public Figures

2010-06-10T23:06:00.001+07:00

It's Luna again...

Too bad this country is kinda ridiculous with their own culture and religions. More ridiculous, note that!

After the topic about the Twitter thing, Luna's name is grabbed and grabs the audiences' attention through the leaked video of hers and her boyfriend making love. The two separated videos were spread on the net to virtual world explorers days ago. What's hotter? The next day, there was another video coming up Luna's boyfriend had sex with another girl, who was an presenter of an (annoyingly hypocrite) Indonesian infotainment show.

What's funny? The hotter news just like my friend said wasn't reported in her infotainment show. It's like nothing happened with the presenter's real life. Seems like a karma revenge? You talk about someone's bad things and you got your crack opened? Well, not me to judge.

I read an article on Jakarta Globe about this issue and Julia Perez was asked for her comments on this stuff. She made a simple and nice answer, anything but the point is she was not the right person to comment as she claimed herself as not an innocent person. It's true.

Everyone makes mistake. It's definitely obvious. I have some. You got some. Others got some too. What's different? What makes us more innocent than others? I daresay, IF YOU'RE IN YOUR 20s OR 30s AND NEVER MAKE A SEX TAPE, NUDE PICTURES, OR SEEN ONE, IT'S LIE!!! A TOTAL LIE! SO, DON'T JUDGE!

So what we supposed to do? Just enjoy! You like sex? People like sex. Something sexy, naughty and bitchy always attracts. You got to be agree with me, unless you're not a human. And one thing people realize is that sex sells! Who knows that these three people involved in the video were threatened to give some money to a person OR the video will be leaked?

If you're a public figure, every piece of you is 'expensive'.

Funny jokes on blackberry broadcasted relating to these videos, while the main characters are some missing abroad. Ads showing these people are brought down. It seems that the careers of those three people are almost over. But I don't know. I'm not good at predicting something like this.

Me myself just enjoy this things as funny incident. If I were in the situation maybe I might commit suicide. I'm just being honest about this. But have you ever really imagined if this incident ever happened to you? What might you do? Can you handle this and stay strong? How do you face your family, spouse, best friends or whoever love you and respect you?

As I said in the first place that this country is a ridiculous one. A lawyer who was issued of having mistresses many times was reported to sue Luna and Ariel and the other girl that I forgot the name for paying the responsibility of the leaking videos. I don't think he's capable and suitable for this. Why he must be the one who sue these guys? Haven't he done such things to his WIVES?

Ok, the conclusion is.... as you like to find someone to blame is a case, I think it was the distributor of the videos is to blame. Not these celebs'. Why? They have rights on doing anything they want related to themselves. And the distributor, it's not his place to share other people's private stuffs, right? It's like when somebody told your spouse if you're cheating with someone else!

Anyway, those were good videos... I don't know. I'm not an expert =)

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

The Life I Wanted

2010-06-08T02:20:00.001+07:00

Maybe you (if you are a devoted reader of mine) might find that I have been inconsistent in my life, my writings, and my words and all. Yeah, I agree. I just didn't focus. I don't have what people call with 'life concept' or just a 'concept' it is. Besides, I'm a forgetful person. It is something that I can't deny that I have dementia. So this is the first time I admit it to public that I do (if I'm not mistaken or forgot if I have mentioned it before in this blog). Someone told me that the older you got, the less you have opportunities to do what you want. And yes, I know my time is running out, or seems to be running away from the reality I'm breaking through recently. The less time I have for myself, since work and school take away almost everything and replace what's empty in me, temporarily.

---

And the question today... Well, not today! It's been days ago I have been questioning myself about this. Someone in my office told me about something I have believed so far and which is against the Bible---that's there's no heaven. I believe so. I agree with him. I can tell you, that he DIED for 2 minutes in his youth in an accident, and met his cousin in his afterlife. He told me some of what he saw in his afterlife. People, life, and the secrets that bind them all. He also told me many things of the world I have been giving eyes on and where I don't know what's hidden deep inside. That bothers me for days until today I decided to share it here, no matter how late it is in this city.

I have school tomorrow morning. I got to wake up at 6 as usual, a bit less than one hour to prepare before take off to school with my bro and sis in law with their car, stop at Sarinah and catch a bus, go across a long bridge to get on another public transport, getting down and going up another bridge to get through my school's bus station, walk inside to reach the main entrance for 5 minutes (if you walk as fast as I usually do) and go up for 3 stairs if you're too lazy to wait for elevator to pick up and take you to the 3rd floor.

Finish? Nope. 8.30 the class will start and the second class will end at 12. If there's a group work I can leave as soon as possible at 1. Then, I got to take 3-4 different public transports to get through at my office and one public transport to get home from work. Tired? Sleepy? Yes, indeed!

(And am I a bit worried that I might get troubled with my body conditions tomorrow as I have lesser time to sleep tonight? Yes!)

Is this the life that I wanted? Lack of sleep, bored, annoyed with school friends, restrained by shallow cultural in the society you have to be in, enslaved by family regulations and expectations? No. I don't want this life. Living in hypocritical people isn't that easy. You can be yourself? Dream high baby! You'll be dead if you try to.

So what I want to say that I met someone at work who interviewed me to get this job I'm taking now. He told me that he used to DIED in a car accident. He wasn't a guy who told everyone he used to dies, went to heaven with a pearl door and decided to write it down into a book. And trying to get money from it, like many authors have been done with their books which are now in the bookstores? Nope. He doesn't ask anything for this kind of story telling. I can say, I was lucky to hear such story... or more likely, a confession.

This isn't kind of confession I used to hear in Worshippers' Community I had joined back in my high school times. This is different.

I can't (and don't) remember how and when I become an Agnostic. Let's call it, Roman Catholic-Agnostic. Or you can Buddhism or ... I don't know. I'm not a Syncretic either. People who know me (half by half, as no one really knows me 100%) can say that I'm a worldly person, but no one really knows that I'm kinda religious-moderate inside. My moslem and atheist, as well as Buddhist friends are the ones who know this. And, yes, I involved in why not many people know this. I just don't let people know that easily. That's why, no one really know that I've become an Agnostic,including why and when.

But as a world-ly person, I know and really know so well that I can't go away forever... far far away to a Kingdom that I can live in happy ending and without narration on my every chapter of life of religiosity. I kept thinking and searching in mind. What God wants. What religions exactly wants. What goes in people who are very fanatic to their beliefs. I talk to many people and discuss to the very deep level of understanding, emerging a broad mind and patience. I read Bible, philosophy books and Quran. I'm trying to get other religion's bible to solve this puzzle, although I know it shouldn't be someone like me to do it. But it's like I'm headed to... at least for myself.

I do feel so...

In Buddhism, there's no God. What you do is what you get. This kind of angle actually freshens me up to get my goals. I always feel that sometimes God isn't on my side or something. I don't know what to say about this, but yes.... that's how I feel. And by this point, 'God' is only exist in my life if I need 'something' to take a blame.

Between the confusions whether the existence of God or none, I was told to focus. I just got a writing assignment to write 5 paragraphs on what my life goals are and how to achieve them. The keywords, the brainstorming and the context are helping me enough to be exactly focus on what I want to be. It's like to write your own destiny... somehow, I think I am.

But in another chance, I met another colleague at my office. At first, he was only talking about me joining his insurance program as he has become an agent. Then we started to talk about sickness we had. We shared many things and... yeah, he asked me very fast and sharp, "Aren't you close with God? What's your religion? Aren't you Catholique?"

When I meet this questions, I always find a long answer in my head to accomplish that questions. It wasn't easy to say that 'It's complicated' and 'I was a religious Roman Catholique and I WAS blinded'.

I WAS blinded in being a religious, instead of WAS fully blessed or led to the path of Christ. Funny, huh?

The conclusion is ... everything is still blur. To be honest, I'm almost losing my point when I'm writing this post. So, the next question is what I really want if everything is already cracked open and witness that what I have been wanting so far would kill me as it's not something I really wanted.

And the question for now is can I survive in the life I don't want, with branched minds, continuous problems mixed with the dementia that ruins my memory each day?

And, so far, I have been dragged from the sweetest view of mine on the world I dream to be in. Now, I can only dream to publish my book, make movie, get my own home and with someone to settle, and own a bookhouse with coffee shop in it. The simplest dream I might have.

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

The Sky, The Cloud... and The Magic

2010-06-01T10:22:00.002+07:00

Since I'm working in a room that almost walled by glasses, it makes me more alert with the forms of clouds and sky colour gradations. I don't know why I found it cute and pretty. Always pretty....

Sky
When it's blue
When it's red
When it's dark enough to blind you

When it put tears down to you
When it shines too bright on you
When it burns you with the Sun that comes along

Don't you see it beautiful... anytime?
Anywhere?
Every side...
In each of the time changing... moving
dancing...
Can I be pretty just like you are...
Or, just take me above with you!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Shopping Month

2010-05-31T00:50:00.004+07:00

Just as the title you read, now, today on 29^th May, one hour before 30^th May, which is the last day of this month, is about shopping. Yeah, I just spend most of my money to shop! Crazy? Normal? Or whatever you name it!

Don’t blame the shopping deal as the reason I write less this month. It WAS a crazy month. College, work and family shits! Yeah, my maid is caught for stealing again…

Hey, have I told you about the babysitter at my home? Ok, let’s talk about it later….

By this blog, I just wanna share you my stupid and silly side of me on stuffs I think as cute ones and nicest I have seen these recent times.

---

First, I wanna share a lil sadness of this month. If you ever come to Jakarta, Indonesia, spend time in a big old mall (old, but still very very nice and cozy) in Thamrin, and a book lover, you might have gone to Plaza Indonesia as it USED TO have 3 bookstores. Nice, WASN’T it?

A month ago, PI, for shorter we call it, has Aksara, Kinokuniya and Periplus. Yet, Kinokuniya has shut down this month. So saaaddd… It was the first Kino opened in Indonesia. Now, there are only aksara and periplus. Still nice… Yet, if you still need Kino, you can always go to the opposite mall, which is Grand Indonesia, on ground floor. Kino is still there with Starbucks café next to it. I call it… Perfect match!

For the closing, it held an event such a clearance sale, which sounded good if you want to save but still want your nerd side to be nicely fulfilled. What made me even sadder? Not good books on the sale, although it’s not something new in sale event in Indonesia. And what made me annoyed was just to buy three books, you have to fight through….

This!

Which reminded me of…..

Yeah, the special screening of New Moon last year. And now, I’m waiting for what would happen in the Eclipse special screening.

And oh yeah… clothes? Don’t bother. I always fast on grabbing new cute tops! Pics soon, ok?

What’s the other things that nice? Body Shop! They always did a great job on environment issues, like recycling, against animal testing and all. Yet, I have a problem with their make-up products. I’m allergic to them. But this month I try to use other products of theirs, such as body mist, scrub and shower gel. If my body isn’t allergic, I would buy some more and keep using them. And, yay! I’m not allergic!

For books at Kino Clearance Sale I got Angela Lambert’s No Talking After Lights, and Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, and Leda Swann’s Mistress. I’m thinking to write about books about mistress. That’s why reading such books could be one of the great resources over there I can get. Else, I can make something more about it. Not the same one. It would make people think that I’m a plagiarizing, and in fact, I’m not.

Lately, I also went to Periplus and bought the Volume 1 Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes series collection and Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom. Finally I got those two! At Aksara I bought Paulo Coelho’s The Winner Stands Alone. I know I’m a bit a late, or very very late. Back in my high school years, I was always updated with my fave authors’ new books, but it isn’t that I’m not updated, it’s just the time to buy it. Now, I got them! I went back to Kinokuniya at GI last week and I bought Anne Frank, this time in English. Why? I had the Indonesian translation years ago, but I had to skip some parts of it as I didn’t understand in Indonesian. I’m not that fluent in Indonesian. So maybe re-reading in English could take me further to the missing part. On the other hand, surprisingly I found 1984, a novel by George Orwell, about how life under communism and if the media, history and languages are controlled by one power for its advantage, not the whole nation. My lecturer introduced me that book in writing classes and he said it was one of the most important book in Europe, especially in his country, UK. Another JD Sallinger’s book, Nine Stories, was also in my bill that night.

At the end of the month, another good news, Aksara (but this time at Pacific Place), as well as the other Aksara, have a discount in clearance sales as they’re welcoming new books. It was up to 70% and every new books got 10% discount. Nice? Of course. I got 3 more books here. Franny and Zooey by JD Sallinger, Indonesian-written book about Soe Hok Gie, a Chinese hero in Indonesia, and I bought another print of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (Nice cover under Vintage Publisher).

By the way, it seems that bookstores here are going faster in environment issue by using recycled bags and all. Yet, remember, sadly I have to admit, they maybe do that because the books they sell are already cutting down billions of trees =(

Read them soon!

P.S.: Nothing sexier than the tops I just bought and these books!

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Daddy, Do You Know?

2010-05-16T18:16:00.004+07:00

So my father and my whole family finally found out that I work as as English teacher. I was completely hopeless. It's gonna be screwed! But I will try to survive on anything to make it, so I'd not need to quit.

It was funny stuff that I found out that my Dad found out if I work from my neighbours. I've been lying to my neighbours and my Dad, saying that actually I just got back from my friend's house for a group work or from college. Now, they knew that I've been lying... and what's worse they know it from my father!

I have had feelings about this. One of my students, Adelya, is a neighbour of mine. Her grandpa is a friend of my Dad. I was afraid they might tell my Dad, and they have already done it. My father talks to my neighbour who is the aunt of Adelya, too. So, I'm trapped already.

My neighbour was completely shocked to hear my statement that I hid the truth from my family too. Yet, they said that my father was very proud of me that I could get a job while I'm having college classes, while the college graduates might find it hard to get a job. Anyway, that's completely unbelievable!

It's something hard to make my father proud! None of us could! But this thing I heard from my neighbour was... hard to believe! Honestly... I'm quite happy if he's proud, as it means nothing to worry about. Yet, it could be another trap. He likes to trap us. Find our mistakes and strike us like a thunderbolt!!! (some words from Sun Tzu). So I keep silent and keep beware of scary things that could happen at home.

So far, he doesn't show his feeling on anything as usual. My dad keeps ruining my day and takes away my energy on house work he could done by himself, and not me to do it. Besides, I got a nephew I got to watch too. But he seems hands off on taking care my nephew too. He puts me as the second babysitter for my nephew! So after school, then campus, then... another mess, everything mixed up. School work, work's work, and house works! All done by a night!

Every night is the same.... always the same.

Just this morning, this weekend, I got up late, very late. Why? I can't watch TV if it's weekdays, so I can only watch the weekend night. Weekend day, the TV is ruled by other fam members. So, weekend night it is. As the result, I woke up very late. I just kept it that way, as my body needs more sleeping revenge. I always sleep late on weekdays to get all done.

And my dad was angry for that. I overheard the arguments between my brother and him. He wanted me to get up normal like weekdays, and doesn't care of what I've been through for a week! So, I know... he's being proud, just like he said to my neighbour is a lie. A total lie. This way, is his revenge for working in college years and not telling him. He wants to kill me softly. He IS my father.

So, this is a poem, on what I feel on this morning incidents...

(in Indonesian, for English, scroll down)

Daddy,

Tahu ngaak kalau aku kerja karena aku butuh?

Butuh hidup seperti anak-anak yang lain… yang bukan anak Daddy

Yang lebih bebas… yang lebih menikmati masa muda

Daddy,

Tahu ngaak kalau aku capek dengan omelan Daddy

Yang terkesan tidak dipikir….

Omelan Daddy membuat aku pengen jauh dari rumah

Pulangpun rasanya malas…

Mungkin menginap di kampus lebih baik….

Tapi rasanya tidak mungkin

Jadi, aku lebih baik kerja setelah pulang kuliah

Daddy,

Tahu ngaak kalau aku merasa terjepit dengan semua yang kuusahakan untuk diriku sendiri?
Meski aku bisa merasa sedikit bahagia

Tapi jauh dari segalanya yang Daddy tidak pernah kasih sama sekali

Daddy,

Tahu ngaak di kantor banyak yang tidak suka sama aku

Ada juga yang sinis cuma karena pakaian aku yang lebih ‘berbeda’ dari imej seorang guru

Mereka orang tua murid yang sama kolotnya sama Daddy

Itu semua buat aku gak bisa tidur, padahal perjuangan aku untuk menyenangkan mereka membuat aku tidak tidur seharian…. membuat aku tidur di kampus dan dilirik judes diam-diam sama dosen

Alhasil, nilai ujianku jadi buruk… mungkin sebentar lagi aku drop out

Tahu ngaak itu, Daddy?

Daddy,

Kemaren aku sakit, tahu ngaak karena aku sering telat makan?

Cuma supaya bisa selesaikan pr kuliah dan kerjaan kantor yang gak mungkin selesai walau pakai begadang

Tahu ngaak Daddy? Kalau aku ingin banget bisa nulis novel lagi seperti dulu…

Punya waktu untuk menuangkan inspirasi, melampiaskan hobiku yang membakar rasa sedih hati ku karena aku kecewa dengan pacarku yang dulu… yang Daddy ngaak pernah tahu siapa dia

Daddy,

Tahu ngaak kalau aku capek ketika pulang kuliah dan kerja yang sifatnya non-stop?

Rasa kantuk, lelah, dan sedih pasti ada setiap hari setelah pulang kerja.

Tapi Daddy tambah dengan jadikan aku bagai upik abu dengan suruhan ini itu yang menghabiskan waktuku untuk bernafas di kamarku setelah apa yang aku alami sehari penuh.

Padahal aku tahu Daddy bisa lakukan itu sendiri, cuma Daddy malas kan?

Lebih suka jika di rumah ada ‘buruh’ perasaan…

Aku harus tidur lebih larut dengan mengerjakan apa yang Daddy suruh. Dan, apa kata orang-orang?

Aku tidak berusaha lebih keras.

Aku pemalas dan pemarah.

Aku tidak bisa mengatur waktu.

Daddy yang buat semuanya diluar kendaliku.

Belum kata tetangga, yang mulai curiga aku pulang setelah maghrib terus-terusan.

Tahu ngaak itu?

Daddy,

Tahu ngaak kalau weekend aku butuh tidur larut untuk bisa menonton tv? Karena aku tidak pernah menonton tv di hari kuliah dan kerja.

Dan bangun lebih siang untuk membayar rasa lelah dan bosan, berikut dengan kurangnya permintaan jam tidur dari tubuhku yang sudah melemah karena bantingan tiada henti dari cita-cita untuk hidup yang lebih baik?

Tapi Daddy malah marah dan memaksaku untuk bangun dan hidup di hari istirahatku yang hanya 2 hari tidak penuh untuk menghidupi keadaan rumah yang tidak ada orang hidup untuk menjadi pesuruh Daddy, …menjadi pembayar kebiasaan leha-leha Daddy.

Aku bukan Mommy, yang selalu punya waktu buat Daddy, yang sudah tidak kerja dan tidak kuliah.

Mommy pun meneteskan air mata melihat aku tidak bisa bebas seperti anak-anak lain. Tidak belajar dengan waktu yang lebih, tidak pergi ke mall dengan teman-teman

.... dan juga tidak bermanja-manja minta uang jajan.

Aku tidak seperti yang lain

Aku pun putus asa dengan apa yang aku lakukan. Aku hanya 20 tahun.

Mungkin ada yang lebih tidak beruntung dariku, tapi kenapa Daddy biarkan aku berakhir lebih buruk?

Daddy tahu kalau aku kecewa?

Tahu ngaak, Daddy, kalau aku justru melihat apa yang orang sangka dariku sebetulnya lebih cocok untuk ditujukan sebagai prejudice untuk Daddy?

Tahu ngaak, Daddy, aku capek dengan anggapan orang kalau aku anak durhaka setelah apa yang aku lakukan?

Tahu ngaak, Daddy, aku sudah tidak peduli lagi dengan Daddy? Karena sekarang ini aku bisa berdiri sendiri.

Daddy tahu ngaak aku bisa berdiri sendiri sekarang?

Meskipun orang-orang bilang aku salah.

Dan aku memang selalu salah dimana pun. Iya kan, Daddy?

Daddy tahu ngaak?

Tanpa Daddy pun, aku (harus) bisa lalui semuanya… Daddy, tahu ngaak itu?

(in English)

Daddy,

Do you know that I try to get a job coz I need it?

Need a life like other kids… who are not yours

Who are freer… who enjoy their lives more

Daddy,

Do you know that I’m tired with all your anger

Which seemed not to be from wise thoughts…

Your angry words make me thinking to be away from home

Going home is another shits for me…

Maybe sleeping over at campus could be a better idea… Sadly, it’s likely to be impossible

So, I’d rather go to work after college

Daddy,

Do you know that I’m stuck in what I'm doing for myself?
Though I taste a lil of happiness

Yet, it was much than I could ever get from you, who never give me anything

Daddy,

Do yo know that at my office, I found many people who are jealous of me

There are also ones who are being scornful to me just because of my dressing style is too ‘different’ from an image of a teacher

Not to forget those students’ parents who pay old minds like yours

Those make me couldn’t sleep, after all I try to please everyone make me stay all nights… and it leads me to sleep at college hours, and the lecturers starts to hate me

Then, my score is getting low… maybe I’m dropping out soon

Do you know that, Daddy?

Daddy,

Yesterday, I was sick, do you know that it’s because I always eat late?

So I could finish the homeworks and my jobs done who probably might not be finished even though I sleep late for that

Do you know, Daddy? If I want back to write my novel…

To have time to pour down my inspirations, do my hobby which burns out my sadness as I was too disappointed by my ex boyfriend… whom you might not ever know…

Daddy,

Do you know that I’m tired each time I got home from campus and work?

Sleepy, tired, and sad are always inside me each time I got back from work. But you ruin my day more by turning me into Cinderella with all you want, which waste my time to breath in my bedroom after all I’ve got since the morning starts.

Though, I know you can do it yourself, it’s just you are being a bossy king, aren’t you? You prefer to have a ‘labour’ of hard feelings…

I have to sleep latter by doing all you want. And, what people say bout me?

I’ve never tried hard on anything

I’m a lazy and temperamental

I can’t manage my time for being able to do anything

You make everything out of my control

And my neighbour starts to whisper, as they’re getting curious constantly I’m going home after 7 pm.

Do you know that?

Daddy,

Do you know that I could only watch TV at weekend night? Coz I’m working at weekdays.

And getting up late to pay my tiredness and boredom, and the lack of sleep as I force myself too much on anything and nothing?

Instead, you’re angry and force me to wake up from my resting time which is less than 2 days just to please everyone at home by being a Cinderella, fulfilling your bossy side

I’m not Mommy, who always has time for you. Without college and work.

Even Mommy cries to see why I should go to work, despite of being free like other kids. Study more, hanging out more, and not being spoiled bratz asking money to shop.

I even got desperate with what I’m doing. I’m only 20.

Maybe there are ones who are less lucky than I am, but why you make me more ‘less’?

Daddy, do you know that I’m disappointed?

Do you know, Daddy, if I see what people see in me is actually in you?

Do you know, Daddy, that I’m tired with what people said about what kind of rebel child I am after all I’ve done?

Do you know Daddy, that I don’t care about you anymore? Coz I can stand by myself. Daddy, do you EVER know that I can stand still? Although, people might judge me wrong.

And… I’ll always be judged wrong? It’s true, isn’t it, Daddy?

Do you know that, Daddy?

Without you, I (should be) able to get through this… Daddy, do you know that?

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

A Remembering...

2010-05-13T17:42:00.002+07:00

Yesterday was 13th May. If you're Indonesian or ever lived in Indonesia especially during 13-14 May 1998, you might not EVER forget what happened until today, until years ahead.

12 years ago, I was 8. Sunny day to go to school. But when once your car went down the road in Jakarta, you probably said that it's not a fun day to be outside your home to school, to work, or to hang out. People were scattered all the way to school that morning. It was rare. 6.30 a.m. with those people stood on the road without being inside their cars! It's like they were ready for something and not afraid of getting bumped by cars that could possibly driven on that road.

There were me, my dad and my mom. We didn't think of anything scary that might happened. No idea, at all. I got into my class, my friends were there (well, some of them) and my teachers too. Before the class was over, the teachers looked worried and looked at us, who got slit eyes and fair skin. My teachers were mostly Javanese women, native Indonesians. I was 8. I could do addition and subtraction on Math, but I couldn't do the same thing to my belief and fear.

The school was over earlier and we're told to stay inside before our parents arrived to take us home. Hanging out at the passer-by in front of the school was strictly forbidden. We thought it was like a lil riot by some kampong people. But it wasn't just that...

At the other part of the city, there were troops of college students fought against the army. Coup d'etat, that's how we call it in French. Taking over power of the current government by force and by breaking the law applied, it's simply how I thought about what happened that time and the coup d'etat term.

'Someone' with some group of people tried to take over Suharto's power in the state. The 32-year remaining dictator president was forced through a made-up riot to turn down his presidential title---a made-up riot that was more likely to be a genocide war.

It was just a coup d'etat, but 4 college students were shot in the strike and thousand of Indo-Chinese people were killed, raped and their houses were burnt and robbed. But no one was even captured for responsibilities. Many scary stories were spread, about gang rape what took place on the road, shops owned by Chinese people were burnt and caused the horror stories of the haunted voice, and other barbaric stuffs. Most victims were the Chinese.

Why?

The discrimination. So I knew why the teacher looked me in the eyes when I was in the class before I left home with my parents. My slit eyes and my a-lil-tanned fair skin. My chinese look. I am different. Some people are made different. Some people are made to be outsiders. Though you don't like it, you will be forever different. There's no place for me to belong.

Jealousy involved. You just never knew. They don't get jealous of your slit eyes and fair skin (fair skin? well, Indo people like fair skin). Social statuses. Economic condition. It was a clear example that people look at you, at your money. Not at your heart. And their jealousy can make them burn you so they get your money. Many aspects can be taken blames. But it was a bigger picture than you might be able to imagine.

I was 8.

When the sky got darker, the fire kept flaming. I kept praying that the fire won't be ever passing to my district. The whole electricity in town was down. But, the day wasn't. We knew it didn't stop yet, and we kept smiling to hide our fears.

I was with my mom, my dad, and my brother. We got separated with my other 4 sisters. We were worried. If we're ok at our home, we didn't know how it was at other places my sisters were at. You couldn't watched TV or listen to radio for keeping yourself updated with what's happening outside. No internet, cellphone or anything that sophisticated back in 1998.

Days gone by. However, it wasn't something which can be accepted with 'let bygones be bygones' way.

---

12 years ago. Everything was completely different.

I was a Chinese, and WAS a Buddhist. I was a 3rd grader. I was girl. I was stupid. I was different. And, I was in Moslem community. I was dreamer that I might be the next president.

12 years. Now, I look at this present time and everything has almost completely changed.

I am not a Chinese, nor an Indonesian. I am not Buddhist, though I still do what I can do in Buddhism teachings. I am a college student, trapped in fake friendships circle and lifestyle. I am a teacher, who is struggle with pressure, challenge, demands... and more types of discriminations. I am an aspiring writer. I am a young woman who fights for true love. I am in diverse community and many gaps hidden inside. I am no more a dreamer, but a fighter.

I'm still different in any other way. I just can't be in this country for longer. Every 13th May, I kept musing over. To much to say why I should have left. To least to mention who wants me to be here.

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

The 13th May of Notices

2010-05-13T00:17:00.004+07:00






Today I went back to news club headquarters at my campus to
submit an article on the latest theatre musical of my school. I also remember
that the person who took charge to report the show would get a certificate. My
editor asked my full name for it a few days ago and might have been ready by
today. So it was a chance to take it home. 





Firstly, I thought the certificate would be an A4 carton paper
with the logo of my school, the Theatre show typical templates and my name on
it as a media person. But it came out into shocking weight and form... It was
framed!





Kinda hard to take it along home. Well anyway, today I feel a
bit relieved. I know it's temporary, but it's just nice to know that your
burden slowly goes away, one by one. My review is nicely accepted by the
authors and promoted to some social media. Nice score for PR and Publicity
subject. The Media and Entertainment went smoothly. The work is not bad, so far
I could say. Yet, everything won't ever be perfect, even if it's only ONE
DAY. 





At the afternoon, moments before and during work, it's kinda
contradictive... I got tachycardia. Maybe it's due to the stress I'm having
about my last week sickness that fell on my last day of midterm test. Being
absence that day and not warded in the hospital led me to lose 20% of my whole
score for English Communications II. The choice would be the hardest, quit the
subject and re-enroll or keep on going without the possibility to get an A. And
everything is still blurred. So today is as contradictory as the sky today.





The certificate... and in the frame!

*name cencored

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Lately, Lately!

2010-05-08T02:12:00.003+07:00

I just wanna tell you that the Blackberry Bold 9700 Onyx doesn't help me to be more active with blogging or writing stuff. So, don't ask me why I haven't written anything since weeks. Blah... But anyway, it DOES help me to interact more often with my facebook, twitter, and lil piece of 'what-to-write' thingy.

First reason is that I was sick. Multiple probs. Like my head that continually hurts in the evening, and that forces me to sleep earlier or struggling staying awake with all that hurt in finishing things for school or work. Yeah.... actually it is caused by lack time to sleep. And now, I'm writing this lame blogpost in the middle of my mid test. Oh wish me luck. I'm so worried...

The farther I go in my education, the more I'm lost, the less spirit left and the least will to stay alive. Seriously, I don't wanna live anymore. Something has taken the most important point inside me and I got nothing more to live or think about that makes me happy.

Well, stop the confessing session. My headache can be cured (temporarily) with this....

Dilmah's Cammomile tea! And... for another taste if you get bored easily to drink it constantly for days, I got Dilmah's Green Tea with Jasmine petals. Showing these two to you I hope, you don't think that I'm promoting Dilmah's products, ok? Hehehe... seriously, I won't put any ads without charging it. Ha!

And don't forget....

Chocolate!

In this post, I just wanna share where I have been when I'm missing from my blog. The point is that I still go to school... and also I still go to work. I need money and I'm paid per day. If I don't come in one day, I would cost me a few bucks damage for my monthly allowance. Kidding... But, sadly, it's true. Let's just hope that I won't get badly sick which could stop me from working. Heee....

About the guy I fell for in the late last year, well... finally we got 'THE END'. It wasn't a relationship. But it was an affair. An unofficial affair. Again... I had become a mistress for another playboy in my life. Screw me.... I'm screwed!

Thank God, it was THE END. I know this guy kinda hiding his real life from me and hiding me from his real life. It's mirroring, yet reflecting---me and his real life, which have been so far far away different. Sounds like a fairy tale on the phrase 'far far away'? Yeah, me and him would be looked like a fairy tale together. Too good to be true. The difference of OUR fairy tale and common ones (like lousy Cinderella and her lousy princess friends that never do anything to escape but waiting for their even lousier 'prince charming') is that our fairy tale is full of sex scenes and dirty stuffs. Or, could be... I dare say. Don't worry, we got many positions and even naughty foreplay than the stupid fairy tale princesses and princes could do in their so-called 'their post HAPPILY EVER AFTER' scenes.

Enough about that... that's embarrassing! Hihihi...and I was just kidding!!! Trust me!

As always, though I'm losing hopes on my future. Then again at that point, when I got brokenhearted, I found something new to write about. My Blackberry kinda help me to write what I want to write, like my inspiration which always comes in shocking time and impossible to write down instantly, like in a bus, car or any where else.

Really sorry for having been missing and not writing. Well... this is my life... busy busy busy... working slave! Yeah baby! Errrr....

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Oh, Brendon!

2010-03-28T17:39:00.003+07:00

This is Brandon. My lovely cute lil Rottweiller puppy dog I got as my 19th birthday gift from my friend, Rafika, last year (it means, yeah, I'm 20 now, you knew it before so well I guess).

I remember when a friend told me that boys are like dogs. If you keep him too tight, once you release him in a second, he will run like crazy.

Do you agree?

I don't have dogs currently. But I used to and really want to have one again. One, or more! Brandon is a doll. He's not the only puppy dog doll of mine, I have Dinkie (a lil dachshund dog), Shadow (a very big and heavy St. Bernard dog) and some other nameless dogs. I'm a big fan of dogs and other cute animals, and I LOVE ANIMAL DOLLS. Hail ANIMAL STUFF!!!! So far he has been joining me, he sleeps me with me and other animal stuffs of mine, including Doraemon (from a cartoon tv show about Cat-like robot). I feel like in a jungle or animal island.

My loneliness in my bedroom is filled with chats and lying down with them. Holding them tight and stroke their fur. I know it's weird the way I treat them like they're real animals. I just don't care. I love them so bad. Lately, as my heartbroken reigns my days, I didn't spend much time with them as I'm also busy at work and school. Although, when it turns night, I hold them tighter than ever.

Brandon.... makes me thinking. More deeper thoughts come to me after I watched Hachiko (a film about an old story of a Japanese dog I've heard long time ago). If boys are like dogs, would they be as loyal as dogs?

Maybe a similarity would be 100%. Somehow I've seen so many loyal guys that are taken already. Now, I'm fighting to get a player. A PLAYER! It's been months, half a year. No obvious reason why I keep him up at the first place. After thinking to back off since the first time I knew we're getting this way. This time, I have to take all the consequences.

Brandon and the others have been my best friends. They live in my childhood memory. They live in my child-ly passion, which trapped in my maturity.

Dogs are more loyal than boys. Should I just have dogs rather than thinking and fighting for a guy? Dogs are probably more worthed....

Isn't my Brandon cute?

(Brandon, Doraemon, Quackie, Piggie, Whaley, and Shadow)

Some who share a bed with me every night

-Reith
..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Lost In Monas - Miss Reith Jerevinan was There!

2010-03-25T21:57:00.000+07:00

It wasn't Monas! We didn't plan it...

Me and my girl buddies as usual in campus, Fika, Brenda and Dinda, planned to have a photo hunting. Fika and Brenda wanted to join in a photo competition and needed to go somewhere to find inspiration. So here we go.... It was the Museum Gajah (Gajah = Elephant). I didn't know why they named it so.

So, first lesson of the day, make sure that the museum will be still open at the time you arrive. It happened to us. We got there at 12.30 and it's closed already! We thought about to change the plan, then... Monas!

It stands for Monumen Nasional (in English, National Monument). There is a building which is very tall and has become the mascot of the city of Jakarta. I admit that there's nothing interesting with the building, but once you visit here, Monas is a must for the historical experience. Monas is a monument with a spacious museum and a great spot to see the whole city from any angle, from the top of the museum. 5 sides beautiful dioramas can be seen illustrating the growth of the life in Indonesia and the history of colonialism.

But, the second lesson of the day, once you get in, never try to approach the monument or go around it to find the entrance of the museum. The entrance is a little short building with stairs down at the opposite of the monument. You will get inside the monument by going down the stairs and through a subway-like, then get the ticket, .... the rest, you'll know it yourself.

We wasted our times by going around the fenced monument, looking for entrance. Felt like trapped in a labyrinth! There might have been 40 minutes just to take around the monument and including some stopping to take pictures. Anyway, it's very silly to be lost in a museum in your own city, to be the first time in Monas (your own city since you were born) while you're already 20 years old, and while the foreigners aren't getting lost at all without a guide!

What the embarrassing Jakarta people!

For photo hunting tips, make sure you bring the right camera and the right lens. The museum aren't so bright. Some display are shown very dark. So be well prepared!

Third lessons of the day, bring a satchel or back pack. Long way in and around will make you tired. Bring enough drink too. Especially when it's very hot!

Fourth, girls, ladies, and gals.... never put on high heeled shoes, you'll be dead! Trust me! Worse, if you go by TransJakarta!

Here are some pics I took... Don't ever ask about the pic of the main building! It's a crap! Boring kind of pic and nothing interesting like Eiffel. Ok?

Well, if you're interested to see... I have one, anyway.

And I will only share some pics of something that interest me during my visit. Yeah.. some little things, I could say, and not important actually =P

During the merry-go-round, circling the monument...

At the monument entrance...

Inside the museum....

The dioramas....

For the dioramas pictures, all of the artworks were fenced by glasses, so it wasn't surprising that you might see a shadow of mine, darkened some sides of the pictures.

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Cloudy...

2010-03-20T23:54:00.007+07:00

"Someone has put another cloudy day in my life.

Yes, 'he' ('you', if that person reads this) did."

If the Corrs (my favourite band from Ireland since my childhood time) sang “The Hardest Day”( El Alma Al Aire, 2000) with Alejandro Sanz, guess, I would sing “The Cloudiest Day”.

Yes, these were the cloudiest day of my life… I’ve been in this road before but I don’t know why I can’t go on, as the second-mistake arrived at my door. ---> that would be my lyrics. Sad? It is.

Actually, I want to share this when it happened. As days gone by (7 days) in a week, many other things even harder (and little pieces that made me smile) happened. Then it makes it more to talk about. Anyway, shortly I’d say, I’m under construction. I’m going to explore myself and repair the broken part inside of me. Getting more curious on what happened?

Remember what happened on Last Sunday, I wrote about Being 20 and A New Chapter of Life. I was so happy with the life I’ve been and also a little sadness of being OOLLLDDD 20 year-OLD-girl, but paid off by things, cares and love I got from my friends and family. You know when it came to another hurt? The next day! It was the most shocking day to me as the sky turned cloudy that evening after I got home from work. It was going to rain when I knew it, as my heart was.

Gosh, I can’t believe that it hurts deeper. I’ve been like this---so naïve, tricked and used. Now, it happened to me again and I just can’t believe it. I have to go on this road again. Once I said that I didn’t want to be in love anymore when I got broken up with my ‘Wolverine’, but I took it back when I met someone again. He’s ‘a someone’ that I had never thought that I would be in love with. That was so strange at first, I thought. But my feelings went deeper, no matter how complicated and hard I tried to resist the truth that has happened. And this is what I got: Another brokenhearted. I know, I really know that we (me and him) wouldn’t be possible to be together. My heart is too weak. I don’t have principle of love. It’s the thing I should have by now.

I can’t believe that it’s just 6 months away, another pain arrives to my life….

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

A Letter, Dear Parents...

2010-03-15T09:52:00.003+07:00

I keep staring at a piece of paper. It was an exercise for my Starter Level student. One of my students didn’t make it the right way just as the instruction told. He even made random scratches with his pen around the questions.

I keep staring at it. I have planned to write a letter, addressed to his mother. It has been 4 weeks delayed. It was strange. At first, I was completely angry and I was eager to show it to his mother. His mother is very proud of his mischief. I wonder. Now, I only keep staring at it. Thinking what kind of letters I should (or want) to write. I know I have to let his parents know. Somehow, deep inside, this boy needs more affection than people think. Even his parents do.

He is a bully. He bullies other students too. Everyone starts to scream, “You’re weird! Miss, Riza is weird!” I know. Everyone knows. He IS weird. But he never makes himself to be. Life? His fate? The answer seems far away from me. Like there’s no one actually to blame. Once again, deep inside, I know there is.

Now, I’m a day away from his class. I can say now that I want to help him, but another day with him, always felt different. More patient and more. How much should I give? This boy is having AD/HD. I don’t know how to control him. I should give time fairly to his friends in the class, but he takes almost 70%. Others? Yeah, some of them are the same. Naughty and not focus. Their bodies are in the class, but not with their minds. If I explained something to them, like the difference of Sing, Sang and Sung, I asked them whether they understand me. But less than one minute, they ask the same thing. “Didn’t you listen to me?”

I might make mistakes during working with them---might lead them into these behaviours. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

No one is with me. I’m lonely like always. It’s like I was born to be and internet was the only thing to be with. Googling everything has helped me with getting some interactive and amusing study materials. But, their personalities… I don’t want them to be far away from me. They won’t succeed in English if we don’t blend in the class. Authoritarian teacher is far from what kind of teacher I want to become. One point, I want them to like me.

But this time, I see that I got no choice. Yes, we always have a choice, but everytime I think more deeper, I’m always cornered with best among the worst choice. So then, and now, I guess I have to start writing… “Dear parents…”

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Being 20 and In A New Chapter Of Life

2010-03-14T16:55:00.015+07:00

Just turned 20! Phew… I wish I were still 18. Ha! Couldn’t believe it somehow, I want to be 18 again. 2 years younger. Does it make any difference? Yes! Many things happen in 2 years. A week? Absolutely!

So this has been (almost) a week of my birthday, 9^th March. Thanks for everyone who congratulated me on getting older. Hehehe… I’ve never thought that reaching these ‘old’ moments would ever come true. Now, I can’t say, “I’m still young…” It’s a big NO MORE.

I have some gifts sent to me. One is from my college friends like Brenda, Fika and Dinda (my dear followers, you guys can follow them girls, too), which is a big frame with many photo spaces (in other words, they give me a project to fill those spaces with pics related us four or my birthday moments XD) and one is from my 8-year-old niece, Indira. She was there to witness my sadness when I lost my wallet at my first day working at office. So do you know what she gave me? She gave me a new wallet! Isn’t that sweet?

(click on the pictures for larger size)

More space for pictures on my wallet. I could even put a lil scrap there.

And speaking of my old lost wallet, I got good news. The wallet thief has been captured by the police. The thieves (2 people actually) were an old guy and a little child. The old guy used the child to do the action, while the guy monitored the situation. They both were caught red handed by a witness and taken directly to the police station. We got the news when it was published in one of national newspaper with his pic beside the article. Some of the guys in my office recognized him and were sure that he was the same man who used to steal my wallet. In the article, it was written that he admitted to have stolen for 20 times. I bet, he has done more than 20! Son of a bitch!

What a week! College life? Well, not much that I could say in the first week. The lecturers seemed to be very nice (at first, remember that!). I don’t care anything else as long as the way they lecture, their assignments, and the test shouldn’t make me crazy. I’m still surviving in my job. Phew… It’s hard to maintain both. To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable with the final grades in the 3^rd semester. You know it’s quite haunting to keep the GPA still in the 3.xx level. I hope it’s very possible for me to. I’m a bit worried. Everything is getting harder in every farther step you make.

About my job. I will tell you the whole messy stuff at work in another post. Besides the entire tiring and ‘sleepy sleepy sleepy’ stuff, I earned my own money. In the second month, I’m quite able to settle down by my own earnings. So happy about it! Of course, getting less rich is always happening when I got a big time to shopping! Ohh, should I repeat? S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G. What did I shop? Books, scrapbooking kit, and … *drum rolls* a new pair of shoes! Argh! This second month of working … I mean, with the salary… it made me feel that this is ACTUALLY the first time I earned my own money and I just bought new shoes with it. I know I’m sounded too overreacting. Sorry, it’s hard for me to keep it myself. So happy! Really love those shoes! That’s why I’m sharing those pictures so you know why I really do. (P.S. : I don’t ask your judgement.)

I love it. Love it!!!

It was on Sunday, 7^th March, my nephew was baptized and we went lunch together in a resto near a mall in South Jakarta. His mom and dad a.k.a my sis-in-law and my bro wanted me to be his personal photographer on that occasion. Excited, yes! Nervous, even more true! I was worried that I wasn’t good. The fact was real enough. I couldn’t be a good photographer TT_TT. All I know about taking pics were all the things I got from my lecturer and a blog of a cyberfriend, Jerry. You can see his pictures in Jerry's blog, which I know you will, “Wowwww…” Well, anyway, sad about being a bad photographer for my nephew, I was happy coz after that… yeah, I went shopping. It cleared my sadness. Now, I’m the bitch!

Besides the shoes I told you I’m in love with. I tried to look for some more scrapbook paper and

stuffs at a little (and very very hot) scrapbook shop, Paper Studios, near a Indonesian resto called Sari Kuring, more precisely at the passage from Gading Food City to Mall Kelapa Gading’s side gate. It’s one of the big malls in North Jakarta. To be honest, I’ve never really enjoyed that mall. But Paper Studios is quite nice additional source for scrapbooking (Rating: 2 of 5). For your main source, try ScrapKing at GI (near Food Hall) and NAP’s Scrapbook at fX (when you see Sour Sally, you will see that shop too). Not to forget, I got a new book. XDDD

Yes, A NEW BOOK. This time was just ONE book, I swear! It’s a biography of Ratna Sari Devi Sukarno, first Indonesian's president's 3^rd wife. I adore her style so much! Former President Sukarno was seriously lucky to have those wonderful ladies with him by the way.

New scrap paper and the book!

And oh… when I’m finishing this post, my bro and his wife’s gift just arrived for me. They bought me external hard disk I’ve been wanting for so long. Now I got it as a gift. What a surprise! They want me to be more secure of my files, regarding to the phenomenon where my pics were gone when my sis played with my SLR camera. Currently, that sister of mine is now in China. Miss her, actually. Got to be honest about that.

Yeaahh... this is cool! Miss Reith 2.0 is back, as the hard disk is black!

Birthday… I’m getting old. But it’s one of (happy) occasions where you know how much people care about you and love you, including knowing you. Long distance or local people around you don’t make any difference if they really love you. Life keeps on going. To be honest, I don’t want to as I’m comfortable enough being 18, or 8 maybe? This week was enough crazy and fun. 50:50. I daresay, I'm quite happy today.

Anyway, some people will know the reason for you to live because the existence of somebody else, but maybe I’m not. Now it’s obvious that I don’t need ‘him’ anymore. I need my friends, my family, and my dreams! I need to move on, no matter how old I am, no matter how crazy the working life is, no matter how annoying peer pressure at college life is, no matter how complicated way to reach my dream could be and no matter how many people say I'm a whore. Literature needs me! Internet needs me! Those are things that would make me alive and to be with during the rest of my life. Sounds dramatic? C’est la vie de trouver ton reve et tu y habites!

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

19-year-old Countdown

2010-03-07T03:51:00.003+07:00

This is very early Saturday Jakarta time. Well, I’m always eager when it comes to weekend, sadly, not this time. I’m in my semester break, more detail, last week of my semester break. So, I don’t expect this last weekend of freedom would come so soon. And actually, this is the hundredth times I don’t feel holiday as the holiday it should be. Why? I’m still working, no break, even when I was sick.

Last week, I was badly sick. I have weird fever since I was having my final test. I could have fever for only one hour and tachycardia. But when it came to the break, I was TOTALLY sick. I have bad cough, flu, fever up to 39 C, tachycardia (again), stomach ache, and migraine. Not to forget my lungs and heart felt so painful. In any way, I was over exhausted, then I was diagnosed to have bronchitis.

Now, at this time, I couldn’t sleep to write many things queuing in my head. Actually, I’m counting down my life being a 19-year-old girl. I’ve never like being 19, just because I hate the number. I love being 16 and 18. Don’t ask me why. It’s just because the numbers look fine to me. Silly? I agree.

My sickness, peer pressure, family pressure, work pressure, unfinished FFX, not-time-to-write ideas, college major stuck, my stupid love life, anything! It makes me thinking that I have been so old enough. Maybe, for other people at my age, turning into 20 is better. Noticed as more grown up is a huge thing. But I’ve felt grown up for so long ago and, now, I have been feeling so old!

I start worrying about many things, like college graduation in the next 2 years, real job, freedom, and all. Even, I’m thinking to get … a boyfriend, a real one soon, or die. Lately, I got one more question, why should I really become a teacher? Life is better to me if it doesn’t go too long for me. Many times I think that it’s much better if I just die in the upcoming phase of my life. No more problems. Sadly, that time never comes. I’m still alive. Worrying.

Living in this world is never fun. This life is the true hell on earth. With this world economic crisis, living in a country with stupid government, people with pathetic visions, global warming, and the symptoms of world’s end… don’t make this life any worth to fight for.

So far, I believe that there’s no hell and heaven. That thought makes me no worry if I die soon. I even don’t believe if there’s afterlife. But yeah, recently, during my 19-year-old count down, that thought has surely to be changed. My boss said that heaven and hell is only in your heart. If you think you live in a hell, then it is. And he told me about he used to have a car accident. His spirit came out and watched his 2-minute dead body and the doctors who were trying to force or revive his heart to beat back again. And he also met his passed away families, which makes it possible that the afterlife is existed.

Usually, I keep thinking about life and the whole deep things when I’m in my birthday, just like on Christmas and New Years. The only question that pops in my head on that day is always about why I still alive. No one can answer. No one knows why. The difference this year is I’m kinda worried that if I have to live again in my afterlife once I’m really ‘away’.

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Wanna Scrapbook Lesson

2010-02-26T01:21:00.002+07:00

Scrapbook! It’s been 2 years I don’t make any stuff like that. I miss it. I miss scrapbook…

Lately, I’m thinking to make cards, bookmarks and other kind of paper craft, even Kurumi. I like Japanese one, but I will also make my style. Maybe, I need to take course. I have found 2 places which are available to sell papers and other things for scrapbooks and provide some classes. It’s in Grand Indonesia, near Food Hall, and another one is in FX.

I have asked for the schedule and procedures at both spots, will consider them both and then I will make a call to enroll myself in a class. So happy and excited. Can’t tell you how much I REALLY AM!

Since high school, I like that kind of stuff. I got a yearly agenda from a magazine and I just felt don’t like it. So I re-decorated it myself with my scrapbook. Many people said my works were cool. Happier to remember how it all happened. But, ever since college started, I’ve had no time to. Now, I just feel like ready to start it again, with college and work at the same time.

I want to make cards, bookmarks and Japanese paper doll, then selling them in some bookstores in US will be a good idea. As I’m still newbie too, I think I surely need the class to help me. I have talked to the scrapbook teacher long time ago that newbie students will be on level 1 which is introduction to all of the tools and the paper. So far, I need simple tools: One type of scissors, standard glue, and boring theme. Hehe…

I can’t wait to tell more on my blog if I have started my class…

-Reith
..and I'm only a piece of dust-

Mommy's Boy

2010-02-25T22:39:00.004+07:00

Just today, I saw the doctor. I have been having cough and flu, with a weird fever. The fever could rise within only 1 hour. But recently it got worse and lasted for days and it was 39 C. What’s worse? I have to go to work, and even have to replace my friend who was firstly sick and warded in hospital. I have to teach one of her classes, besides 3 classes of mine.

Another thing that gets worse in my work is I got more students in my new class which was formerly has 3 girls only (which was suitable and comfortable enough already). On Monday, I got one girl named Angel (as you see what she said on through my tweet) and on Wednesday (today) I got another boy, Joy.

Joy. But he doesn’t bring any joy to the class. Maybe he did. A bit. Some real comedy, I guess. And it brings joy to the other 3 girls. As the impact, we got Joy as a today’s joke.

He is a truly Mommy’s boy. I was introduced to him through his mother. His mother… huh… don’t ask, she seems to be very protective and spoil her son. We were using class on the 3^rd floor, as usual, the teacher is the one who should take the students to the class, but Joy… his mother comes along!

I was… “Oh, cmon, he’s a boy and he is 8!!!” Just like I told you that I got 3 girls who firstly enrolled in my class and one new girl. All of them are girls, but, their mothers don’t come along with them to the class. Their mother trusted me to and their children are brave enough to get in the class by themselves.

What’s funny and made him the today’s joke in the class was (1) he wasn’t responsive to me. The girls in the class thought it was funny; (2) He said to me, “Miss, I want to pee”. I allowed him to go to the toilet and told him that he needs to go out and turn right. It is next to our class. He opened the class’ door himself, and when it’s opened, he turned over to me and cried, “Miss, I’m scared….”

I repeat… this boy is 8!

And (3) He came in back to the class, expressionless, and sang unconsciously with his DIY tone “Mi-mi-mu-mu-pa-pa-da-di-du.”---I couldn’t even hold my laughter for this one, so as the girls; (4) When I told him to wait, he went around the class and see a big vase made from clay, then he asked, “Is there any snake in it?” (5) 5.30 p.m. and Joy was very happy---time to go home and no homework for him---but he was TOO EXCITED. He opened the door and ran outside. He was ABOUT to go down stairs by himself, but then it happened again. “Miss, I’m scared….”

Wednesday, 24th

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

What I Learn (From My Students)

2010-02-21T03:05:00.002+07:00

On briefing day, my colleague told me that I would teach 2 classes. One is playgroup level and another one is graders. She said that I wouldn’t learn anything by teaching them as their modules are easy for us college students with TOEFL score up from 520. She was completely wrong. And when I thought that it would be easy, the more I’m wrong at this point.

At first, I have to teach 2 classes only, 2 times a week. Then another class with 3 girls joined my schedule for 2 days more in a week. So 4 days in a week in total. I noticed that my students came in ranging social-economy difference and also their backgrounds of ethnicity and religions, as well as parents’ education level and lifestyles. Some of my students is good enough financially that they can attend International school in elite area in Jakarta. Some other isn’t. Those impact their attitudes and lesson catching-ups in class. Overall, from what I have observed, I teach children with special needs.

What I mean with special needs are AFFECTION and CREATIVITY UNDERSTANDING. AFFECTION, it’s not only about being patient, tough and sincere. It’s more of being a friend and someone for them to talk to. They need to be listened to; they need to share their innocent minds and raw fantasies. What adult take as a lie is a children’s language in the world of their own.

Their languages lead us to CREATIVITY UNDERSTANDING, we have to be creative in teaching and giving explanations, and also in treating certain student. All of them are totally different. We have to know how to behave and interact to each of them, and of course in global. We got to understand too that it should be tough to get your students stay on your way, while they have some kind of ‘misled’ art talent. They want to draw when it’s time to write and they don’t want to draw when we ask them to. Be creative and understanding is complicated. It’s like repairing your heart and lungs at the same time.

Each of them learns in different way, their brain working levels are ranging, their behaviors are taken by THEIR OWN surroundings. I have to improve my teaching quality and method if one of them couldn’t follow the lessons. I have to be patient if they got in a fight, cheat, break something, and act rebel. When it’s time to take action, it’s time to think twice of expressing your emotion. It’s like I have become a parent. The point is I’m getting more patient. More hardwork more gain. Pain? Yes, deal!

It drags me back actually… to far away in my childhood. On what happened. How people treated me and how my teachers and my mother taught me to be the way I’ve become now. Sometimes, all the bad response I received from the kids made me thinking that it could be some kind of karma of bad attitude I showed when I was young. However, it shows the black hole I’m still having currently. Surviving in this job, it’s like I’m repairing the broken part of my past, so I can walk better to my future or to be what I am in this present time.

Besides giving my students the best education, I have to improve their personality. Their ranging backgrounds make them different, not only academically but also their fragile selves. I have to make sure that some good children should stay good ones when they’re out of the class, and the naughty ones shouldn’t share their dark sides to others. I even have to try mend the way they are. Within socialization I have to keep among them, I also have to put some sticks to divide the flow of the river into two like a beaver---to avoid all of them turning into bad ones.

Days with them are soo tiring. I can’t even mention what I actually learn from them. There have so many things in a day I got from our togetherness. I often make hash tags on my twitter about funny quotes between me and my students. You can check on my twitter page.

It is rather funny to know how they see you. A teacher… most of your students might think that you’re married or in your 20 something, or 30 something. They would surprise if you show your funny mimic and don’t limit your attitude.

The cute little demons, that’s how I refer my students in my cyber life. They’re naughty, some lazy and some other don’t. They’re entertaining, as long as they’re in good mood.

So then, good luck to me, I guess. Many ways to go ahead. I learn more of course. Got some more pain, why not?

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-

My Wallet... Oh My Wallet!

2010-02-20T01:56:00.008+07:00

My cheap artwork for my wallet thief!

So, remember about the police appointment to get a certificate of statement that I really lost my wallet? Yes, I did go there finally, or else, I can't make new ID and ATM card. It was my first time to be in police station. In Indonesia, it’s quite humid, dirty, and they have small spaces for daily criminal suspects they found, ‘beautifully decorated’ with artsy rusty bars. It looks like the tax we pay don't come to their building refurbishment.

When I submitted the case, there was another person who submit a case of violence that started by a childish reason. I saw that guy around in his 30s or 40s. He and those guys around him should be very very lost in their childhood, until ended up in a fight like 5 year-old boys.

My wallet. I miss you and I always will. My black exotic cat wallet my sis gave me from HongKong. Ugh! It was a gift! If I had bought it myself, I wouldn’t have mattered about it, not even this sad, even if I like it so much. But Angie, my colleague, who also lost her wallet, succeeded to get her wallet back. How?

Ok, she put her spa membership card on it, and the thief threw away her wallet in an apartment in Kelapa Gading area, near Mall of Indonesia! She told me that she got a text msg from the security guard of the apt, who she met after that and noticed that he’s rather a weird person. The security guard told her that he found the wallet in the basement, in one of piled up carton boxes. He called the spa and asked Angie’s cellphone number to send her text. That’s how it went. My wallet? I didn’t put anything beside money, ID, and atm card. According to Angie, the thief only left her membership card. That lucky bastard took her ID, atm, credit card and money. So, he might do the same with mine. It means that nothing left in my wallet to give my wallet a chance to come back to me. Damn!

So, my wallet thief... I made something special for you! Scroll back up, if you miss it!

-Reith
..and I'm only a piece of dust-

You Ask Me

2010-02-18T04:49:00.001+07:00

You ask me

To stand at your place standing now

With one leg on the ground

Im sorry I can’t

I’m no you

Even I found it difficult to stand with both legs of my own

You ask for privacy

Yes I give you privacy

And yes I give you my privacy

Should I ask my privacy back?

You ask me

You beg

I grant all

What more?

You ask, “More”; you said, “More”

You ask me

To want you like you do

I do

Then, you ask me to stay behind

Unwritten, yet I know you ask me to disappear

Hidden, under your shadow

Tell me… you want to leave

You ask me

What’s wrong with me?

See what you do after that…

You ask me

For unwanted silence

No words, within my rebel

I got hurt

Sorry I give you my tears

You ask me

To wait

To let you spread your wings and fly

… but that’s only another scene

To have iceberg between us

Something to destroy, before it destroys us

You ask me

To see…

This time, I still do

And swallow every pain of reality ahead

The iceberg has become your new desire

You ask me

Within fear in your eyes

Through confusion seal your lips

Weariness in your nerve

But I’m already standing far, ready to be away

Knowing that there’s one question left

I should go by now

-Reith

..and I'm only a piece of dust-