Rejection(s)

Bitter words. Bitter realities. Life, it is. This thing quite annoyed me recently. I was sick last week. Bronchitis (again, it returned). I just don’t know how to keep up my health. And, at the same time, I had to face my nervousness. I wrote 2 short stories for some LGBT projects. The committee will prioritize new manuscripts, so I think it’s a good way to debut. They will tell me the status of my manuscripts in the beginning of August. Only the best 10 will get the opportunity to have the manuscript published in a book.

Well, it’s regarding to my 2010 resolutions, that’s why I’m a bit rush. All I wanna do is trying to be on time with my own planning and be consistent with myself. Anyway, none of my 2010 resolutions has been accomplished! So ashamed of me…

So, I was gonna tell you that I had this nightmare when I was sick. Maybe my sickness involved of the coming of this nightmare. I don’t know. I was dreaming that my manuscripts were rejected! I was sooo sad in my dream and almost half-crying in my sleep. It was like… something I couldn’t help it. In reality, I should have been able to. No idea what to expect on the future (in the reality) for me. So far, it has been 3 rejections I got for my manuscripts.

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Have you ever rejected? Well… let’s change the question! How many of you haven’t ever been rejected?

I bet you guys have. At least, one or two rejections. Me? Lots of them! For my manuscripts, just like I told you, I got 3 times. I got twice for love, and seven times of giving love rejections. Another twice rejected for my short movie. There was one rejection for scholarship and another one rejection for university enrollment.

Just like love stuff, I was rejected, but I also rejected some people’s. Then, how many times have you rejected people in your life? Whether it’s about love, someone applied for a job at yours, or anything… Somehow we should remember who, what and how many times we also reject things and people. Just to feel better that world it’s not that cruel. LOL XD

On this post, I’m just gonna share about my writings, as well as the previous rejections.

I was 15 when I started to write such poem and all. I mean, really wrote a poem. Before, I wrote one by forced! Coz I never liked it. Irritating to me. Before I REALLY WROTE ONE, I just opened literature manual book and copied the existing poem or replacing the words with simpler one. That time, I just got no idea what literary actually meant.

At that age of 15, in January, I met an accident and had one arm broken. I stayed limb for a few years, intensively, for months post-accident. That prevented me of outside activity and all. To be in my seat in class every time at school was the best idea I could have. Having contact with outside life was just considered too dangerous as the students were very very roughly active and careless, my family, doctor and teachers were just afraid that that situation might affect me and those careless kids could put me in more dangers. Besides, there was a rumor that the accident that happened to me at school was done in purposed by some girls who were jealous of me somehow. As I was all alone, no one could stand up for me and tell the truth of what was happening. FYI, I lost some of my memory around that accident.

Being limb, being alone… make me feel the true solitude. I know how to blend with the atmosphere and the air I breathe and that inspired me. Until now! Through such ritual, I wrote my first poem, then a novel idea was found somewhere in mind. I spent 2 years to finish it, after a long confusion in me, within Yes or No moments. And the final answer I made was ‘Yes’, I’m going to publish it.

I asked my driver to take me to one of the biggest publisher in Indonesia. At first, I was mistaken to enter the daily newspaper editorial office, which was owned by the same company with the publisher. It was funny. Then, I got to wait for months, 6 months, to know that it was rejected! What made me angry was… my manuscript was clean!

They didn’t read my manuscript! Ugh…. I hate this. I went there far far away, 6 months in waiting… but nothing!

It would take another year if I want to write another book. So, I decided to just write short stories, which I found it more difficult as its style has a limited number of pages, max 8 pages. Then yes, the two short stories I had sent previously were both fail! Yaaayy!!! I’m dead…

There’s a time that I think that I’m not into writing and should another thing to life with. But I remember with I read in Paulo Coelho’s book, Alchemist, about beginner’s luck. If a gambler wins at the first game, then he will not last to be the winner. He will lose at the next games. But instead, if a gambler doesn’t win at his first game, but if he tries again and again, he will be the true winner and last to be. That’s how I believe the things work. Till now, it’s the belief I have to keep up. Yet, it’s fading from inside me now.

I started this all things with me all alone. I don’t have experience, back up, or anything that could give me some channel to let me debut. It’s just me. I’m not some famous people’s child, some governor’s family members or from Royal family who can have opportunity on anything easily without search, fight and sacrifice. I fight for myself and with myself. ‘Myself’ is the only that I have. I’m different. Somehow the will and hard work are two things I can add in my works.

Some authors like J.K. Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, and even Danielle Steel were ever rejected. So, maybe I have to go on this road like they used to do.

So if I have to face more rejections, maybe I just need to keep writing and wait for another chance…

-Reith ..and I'm only a piece of dust-